The Prince: Absolution
by LadyFangs
Summary: Takes us into the ST 2009 movie-verse. Spock, Pike and Uhura return to the academy after their trip to Vulcan. Uhura has no recollection of her relationship with Spock but is haunted by dreams she can't understand.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Star Trek, this conversation wouldn't be happening.

**Author's Note(s):** First I'd like to say to all of you who reviewed thank you. For all the positive and even negative reviews I got. Each made the story better.

I realize it's taken a while to come out with this, and I should start by explaining why.

When I started "The Prince" I expected it to be dark. But I didn't expect to write in certain situations. The last chapters were very intense. To be quite frank about it, I shocked myself. Continuing on while thinking about a way to address what happened on Vulcan without discounting the severity of the crime and yet maintaining the dignity of all the characters was something I continue to struggle with. I don't want to play down the situation, because I believe that would be disrespectful. Wounds take time to heal. And to warn you all, it's going to get worse, before it gets better.

For my first time readers, check out "The Prince" before you read this. There's a discussion post on LJ that talks about fics that deal with such themes.

**­­­­­­­­­­­­­**

* * *

**The Prince: Absolution**

_**Prologue:**_

_Spock moved to the bed as Sarek and Amanda stood silently by, watching cautiously. He stared down at the broken figure his actions had brought so much harm too. Outwardly, he remained stoic. His emotional controls were fully in place. But inwardly…there was an emptiness no amount of meditation could fix; despair no control could reach…His own grief still very much in existence. But he was strong enough to control it._

_He displayed nothing. But he was overcome with a desire to…touch her…_

_Lost in his own thoughts he began to stroke her cheek. She was so beautiful. She was perfect. She was…love…He had never known such a thing: To feel completely connected to and accepted by someone. She had never judged him. She did not let his coldness affect her. She had become essential to him…she was a part of him…and now…No. _

_He couldn't hurt her again. He wouldn't. He loved Nyota. He loved her with every fiber in his being. His soul cried out to her… He wanted her to love him, to keep him. They had planned their future. Marriage, a family. Now that future was gone. He desperately wanted to cling, to hang on, but… He had to let her go._

_Outwardly, he remained calm. Inwardly, he hurt._

_It was now just he and her. He had blocked out the others in the room…_

_He leaned forward, whispering to her, "My ashayam, I love you."_

_His heart was breaking. But he had too…for her sake. He would not allow her to wake up to…this…_

_He touched her face for the last time. They had melded many times before, each time in love…Now…it was an act of mercy._

_Amanda sobbed silently into her husband's robe as the realization of what Spock was doing dawned on her. Sarek held her tightly to him, as he watched his son work._

_Pike looked on quietly, not understanding what was happening. Something must have told him it needed to be done, however._

"_I love you Nyota. I am sorry." Spock closed his eyes, his fingers touching her meld points, as he entered her mind. He worked slowly over the events that brought them to this point…editing, snipping…eliminating…_

_He leaned close to her ear and whispered the word he could never take back…_

"_**Forget." **_


	2. Chapter 2

What do you do when your heart is broken and you've lost everything? What does it take to save, to heal? How can you love when love has betrayed you? Is it even possible to rebuild what's been torn down? You can take away the memories, but you can't hide the feelings.

* * *

**The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 1**

I

_She fought for her life, against an unknown foe. Running down the stone corridors, she screamed, tears falling freely. She was terrified…the shadow was coming closer…closer…She couldn't out run it. She couldn't escape it…she ducked into a shadow against the far wall and held her breath, careful not to make a sound. She closed her eyes, and began to pray silently._

_It was quiet. She exhaled, suddenly relieved and tentatively peeked out…It was too late…she felt a hand close behind her neck, a hot breath in her ear…she felt her body go numb as she was pulled back into the shadows. She screamed…  
_

Uhura sat bolt upright in her bed, having been shaken awake by her roommate, Gaila. The Orion looked scared as she stared at her friend, wrapping her arms around her.

"Ny, are you OK?"

Gaila looked at the figure shaking in her arms.

"This is the third time this week," she said softly.

"It's okay Gaila. It was just another nightmare," Uhura said, quickly recovering. But try as she might, she couldn't quite do it. The dreams were too real. Too vivid.

"No, it's not alright," Gaila said firmly. "You've been like this since you came back from Vulcan. I know it was like two weeks ago, but this hasn't happened before and as your friend I'm worried."

"It's nothing Gaila. I'm just stressed," Uhura responded. But something in her voice must have let the Orion know she wasn't at all convinced.

Gaila's tone went from concerned to firm.

"But I'm your best friend and your roommate. I'm the one who shakes you awake and holds you. And _I'm_ worried."

It was rare that Gaila worried about anything.

Uhura wiggled out of the Orion's grasp and stared at the clock. It was 0530. Time to get up any way.

"I'll go talk with Captain Pike, if it'll make you feel better," Uhura said, slipping out from under the covers. She tossed her feet over the side of the bed, preparing to head off to the shower.

"Promise me you'll go now," Gaila said, still looking at her intently.

She sighed. She knew whenever her roomie made her promise anything, she would stick to it.

"I promise."

Uhura stood in the shower, letting the hot water scald her. It stung, but it felt good. Right now, she needed it. She hadn't been sleeping, and knew she looked a mess. The trip to Vulcan had been wonderful, but on the return, Captain Pike had been strangely quiet. And Commander Spock hadn't returned with them. He'd come a couple days later.

When she'd asked Pike about it, he'd said the Commander had some family business to tend to. She heard the tone, and didn't press further. But, it had still bothered her. She and the Commander were good friends, but after getting back, she'd been reassigned to a new professor as Teaching Assistant, and she hadn't seen Spock at all. Then there were the dreams. Three times a week, for the past two weeks. And they were always the same. Running through stone corridors, a shadow chasing her. Feeling the fear, the breath against her neck and…darkness.

There was only a month left in the semester before graduation. She had to get a grip. She wanted the Enterprise. And whatever_ this_ was, she wasn't going to let it get to her. She'd be on that damned ship. No matter what.

She'd talk to Captain Pike. But she already knew he'd probably say something about stress. And she thought that too…But her heart didn't believe it.

II

Captain Pike sat in his desk, looking at his soon to be First Officer and Chief Science Officer. It was 0730. The day had barely begun.

They had been going over the Enterprise manifest, assigning and picking the crew. The Enterprise was the flagship, and only the best officers and graduates would do. It was when they had broached the subject of who would be manning communications that an uneasy silence fell between the two men over one name in particular. Soon-to-be Lieutenant Uhura.

"She wants the Enterprise Spock, and I don't have a valid reason for not giving it to her," Pike stated, looking is chief officer in the eye.

"I am aware of this Captain." Spock said nothing more, his gaze not faltering.

It had seemed to Pike that his first had closed into himself since their return. Even his eyes, normally so human, had shut down. It was as if a part of his soul had died. He knew it to be an irrational thought, but Spock had seemed to be running on automatic lately. There was nothing there anymore. The thought saddened him, but since his first seemed to be operating, at least on the outside, as if everything were fine, he didn't press it. He knew everything was far from fine.

The two men sat in silence a long while until Pike spoke again this time his voice low.

"She hasn't looked well. She's tired, and I can tell she hasn't been sleeping. She hasn't said anything, but something is keeping her up at night…"

His voice trailed off uncharacteristically.

Spock said nothing, but Pike noticed his posture had stiffened.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Both officers rose as Pike called, "Enter."

There the subject of the conversation stood, looking nervously at the two of them.

Spock stood to leave.

"Captain, I believe this conversation is over. I will leave you to your duties."

He waited.

"Dismissed Commander," Pike said, and Spock walked out, passing Uhura on the way to the door.

"Cadet,"

"Commander."

He watched as Spock walked out the door without a glance at his former lover, and Uhura moved to a seat.

It was all so formal. Nothing like what he'd seen between them only two weeks ago…two happy, in love officers…now one dangerously silent and withdrawn, the other having no knowledge of what used to be and completely oblivious…it wasn't the first time since returning that Pike had wished they'd never gone to Vulcan in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 2**

**_______________________________________________________________________________**

**Uhura**

She hadn't expected Commander Spock to be in Pike's office and she felt abnormally uneasy. She didn't know why. She had never felt that way around Spock before. But she dismissed the feelings as irrational. She acknowledged him upon his exit, and moved forward to take a seat. She couldn't worry about that right now.

"Cadet Uhura, what brings you in so early?" She saw Pike studying her face, and quickly drew herself up. She didn't like what she was reading in his eyes. She could tell he was worried about her.

"Captain, I came here because, well…I really didn't want to discuss this down in Medical and my roommate made me promise to talk to someone, so I figure it may as well be you. Before I start, I want to ensure that this in no way will affect my posting aboard a starship as I don't think it impedes on my abilities to perform my tasks."

Pike focused on her face, sensing her worry. He didn't know what she was about to tell him, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the trip to Vulcan. _Did she know? _He suddenly thought as a knot of dread welled up in him. He had known it may eventually come to this. Very well, as a commanding officer, he would do what he had to- even if that meant sacrificing three careers in Starfleet.

"I assure you Cadet Uhura, what you have to say will not leave this room unless you want it to," he said solemnly.

She was relieved. Great. She really didn't want this getting out. And if there were two people she was closest to, aside from Gaila, it was Captain Pike and Commander Spock, though the latter had been really distant lately.

"Captain, since we've been back from Vulcan, I've been having really strange dreams, nightmares really…" she started and trailed off, hesitating a bit.

"What kind of dreams Uhura?" She could have sworn he'd just drawn in a breath.

"Well, in my dream, I'm being chased through the halls of a castle-like structure, similar to the Fortress on Vulcan. There's a shadow behind me, and every time I try to escape it catches me and drags me backwards…and …and then I wake up. I really don't understand this, and maybe I'm just stressed but it keeps happening."

She looked at him and was shocked to see his face visibly darken. Then it passed. Pike looked at her. She felt like she was being studied.

"Cadet, do you know why you may be dreaming this?"

"No, sir. Like I said, they started when we got back. Did anything happen to me on Vulcan? I don't remember getting into any accidents…"

She trailed off, looking at him. Waiting on him to speak. Pike seemed deep in thought before he answered her.

"Well, I suggest in order to help you sleep, you get a night- aid. Now, I know how you said you don't want to go to med bay. But there's a doctor, Doctor McCoy, who is very discreet. Tell him I sent you. And don't worry, what you said to me will stay in my confidence."

She relaxed. She'd been tense all morning and after telling Pike, she instantly felt better.

"Alright Captain," she rose and began walking out the door when Pike called out to her.

"Cadet, is there anything else you want to talk about?

She hesitated, but smiled and turned towards him.

"No, but Thank you Captain."

"Dismissed."

Captain Pike watched her retreating back and let out a long sigh, placing his elbows on his desk and gently massaged his temples.

It was rare that he was at a loss for a solution to a problem. But this had been taking its own toll as he felt his conscience raging an internal battle.

**II**

Spock had returned to his quarters to meditate. He had been doing this more and more lately, in an attempt to rebuild his still weak emotional controls. It had been a long two weeks, and although in a much better place since returning from Earth, he still found himself slipping into moments of melancholy.

He had thought that removing Cadet Uhura from her TA position would have helped. But, if he was honest with himself, it only hurt. He missed her. He couldn't touch her. He rarely saw her, and when he did, he had to fight the urge to hug her. It hurt because he loved her, and she didn't know it. She couldn't know it. It was for the best.

But still, when he opened the door to his apartment, he missed her presence. He felt alone. But, he couldn't go back. Not after Vulcan. She wasn't his anymore, and as far as she knew, she never was. What used to be was no longer. And it hurt. No amount of meditation could take the pain away.

He was jostled out of his contemplations by the beep of the communication unit. He rose and looked at the time. 0900 hours. It was another hour before the start of his class.

He looked at the message: Captain Pike.

He knew the Captain had just met with Uhura, and his pulse quickened. He knew whatever Pike had to say to him, it involved her. Whatever it was, he would accept.

"Computer, accept message." He said in his normal emotionless tone.

The face of his Captain appeared.

"Spock, I felt it was only right to tell you this. Uhura just left my office. She was complaining of nightmares, recurring, since we left Vulcan. Apparently, she's dreamt of being chased by a shadow through a fortress. I told her to go to med bay for some sleeping supplements. What do you make of this?"

Spock drew inward, examining what Pike had told him…he knew what it meant alright…

"Her dreams, Captain. It means the memories I buried are starting to resurface." He said simply.

Pike was quiet.

"I was afraid of that."

An empty pause fell across the room. It was Pike who continued.

"Spock, I know we all thought this would be in her best interest. But I will tell you now. If and when her memory returns, I will do what I have to. And it could mean the end of your career, my own, and hers. I need you to understand that."

"I do sir. And I am ready to accept responsibility…" Spock's voice trailed off. Uncharacteristically hesitant.

"What is it Spock?" Pike looked at his Chief Officer warily.

"I only did what I thought best for her," he finished softly.

"He felt the heat of the Captain's gaze on him through the comm link.

"You still love her." It wasn't a question, more of a statement, and Spock felt his control slip momentarily.

"I do."

"Then when the time comes, you'll do what's best for her. Pike out."

Spock stared at the blank screen a long while, before switching it off. He turned and headed towards his class. Not a trace of the past two weeks or his last conversation anywhere on his face. He was Vulcan inside and out.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 3**

**

* * *

  
**

**Uhura**

She decided to take Captain Pike's advice and see Dr. McCoy. She hated taking medicine of any kind, and at this point it was only out of sheer desperation for a decent night's sleep that she was seeking out the doctor. After all…Those dreams had been hounding her for weeks, and she knew she was dropping the ball in many of her classes. But there were other things too that were worrying her. It wasn't just the dreams, though those were bad enough no. Seeing Commander Spock today had disturbed something in her. A something she'd been denying for years.

She'd always respected him, and she considered him a friend. A part of her had hoped for something more, but her rational brain knew that would never be a possibility. She had been his Teacher's Assistant for years and right after they got back from Vulcan, she'd been reassigned by the department head to another professor. When she'd asked Spock about it, he'd said there was nothing he could do. And he'd been avoiding her. Their friendship had built up over years, and in the space of days it was gone. She couldn't deny that really hurt her.

When Captain Pike had asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about, she'd hesitated. The nightmares were only one part of her problem. She couldn't bring herself to discuss the other half. Yes, she dreamed every single night. When she wasn't being chased through dark corridors by shadows, she was having dreams of a very different nature.

Erotic Dreams.

Of her former mentor and teacher, and friend. Spock.

She was dreaming of a relationship she'd never had. Dates they'd never gone on. But when he touched her in her dreams it felt so real. So…right…that she was always miserable when she woke up from them. Truth be told Uhura felt like a part of her was missing. And all this dreaming was starting to make her feel like she was going insane.

She never woke from these as panicked as she did on her nightmares, and she didn't dare tell Gaila this. She knew her roomie would say her dreams were a manifestation of her desires for her professor, and she really didn't want to have that conversation. It was something about lusting over a man who could never love her that just didn't sit well in her soul. Why did women always fall for the dangerous ones?

Yes, she needed the sleep. Dark, dreamless sleep. She had to finish her thesis. And Jim Kirk had asked her to sit in on his third attempt at the Kobyashi Maru. Not to mention she had study groups set up throughout the week. But at this point, none of that mattered. All she wanted to do was sleep. She hoped McCoy's prescription would help. She was miserable.

As she entered her room she saw Gaila lying across the bed in her usual state- underwear only.

"Oh I didn't know you'd be back so early," Gaila said looking up at her. Uhura sat down and began taking off her boots.

"Yeah. We intercepted some more transmissions. Klingon this time. Similar to the ones we got right before we went to Vulcan. It seems more ships have been attacked. It was kind of garbled," she yawned, removing her skirt.

"Sounds fascinating," Gaila replied dryly.

Uhura was about to reply but a noise under her roomie's bed caught her ear. She could have sworn she heard…breathing…

"Gaila…"

Uhura's tone was anything but friendly.

Gaila blinked up at her innocently. "Hum?"

"Who's the mouth-breather under your bed?"

Before Gaila could open her mouth to reply Jim Kirk popped his head up.

"You heard me breathing?"

Ugh. If there was one thing Uhura didn't want to deal with right now, it was this. She was tired. All she wanted was to go to sleep. And damn if Gaila hadn't brought back another one. And it had to be Kirk.

"Get out," she hissed throwing his clothes at him as he moved to the door in his underwear.

"Hey, aren't you even going to tell me your first name?"

"No. And you're not supposed to be in here, so I suggest you find somewhere else to lay up for the night," she pushed Kirk out the door and stalked to the bathroom snatching a cup and the pills McCoy had given her on the way.

"Ny, I'm sorry…" she heard Gaila call as she slammed the door. Filling up her cup and quickly downing the pills,she took several breaths to calm down before she opened the door.

"It's okay Gaila. I know, I know. Sex to Orions is like Religion to Humans. I'm just really tired. And I don't want to deal with this right now."

She sank to her bed, quickly getting comfortable under the covers.

She closed her eyes, and quickly fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 4**

**­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­**

**

* * *

**

__

She felt his hands graze her face gently as he stood in front of her, his lips placing soft kisses on her forehead, her nose, her mouth…

_She leaned into the kiss, slowly tracing the outline of his lips with her tongue…she felt him moan into her mouth as his hands moved down her body, leaving tingles across her neck, then her breasts easing into a heat in the pit of her belly…She was on fire. _

_She wanted him. All of him…_

_Spock…_

Uhura sat bolt upright in her bed, panting heavily. Her sheets were soaked. She was sweating. _What the hell?_ She thought to herself as she quickly got up, ripping the sheets off the bed and stuffing them in the regenerator. She tiptoed quietly across the room to the bathroom as to not wake Gaila and caught a glimpse at the time: 0300 hours. _"Fuckshitdamnhell!_" she mentally cursed. She was definitely NOT going back to sleep anytime soon. She needed a shower- a cold one.

Her hand reached out in the blackness for the bathroom door, and she felt the cool mental as she turned and slowly pulled it open, being careful to avoid the squeals. She shut the door the same way, pausing a moment, and then turned on the light. She moved to the mirror, finally raising her head to stare at herself.

Her eyes were squinty as they adjusted to the artificial light, and she noticed they were red and puffy. No doubt caused by the lack of sleep lately. Her hair was a sweaty, matted mess, tendrils sticking to her face. Her body was covered with a sheen of sweat, causing the thin nighty to cling to her.

She felt tired. She was hot, and sweaty and gross and to her utter dismay…aroused.

"Why is this happening to me?" she muttered aloud.

"Great, now I'm talking to myself," she said, still looking in the mirror.

She watched her mouth move the words.

She turned away from the reflection and quickly shed the night gown, watching it fall on the floor. She walked towards the shower, turning the setting to "water" and stepped in.

It was ice-cold. It stung like needles against her skin but she gritted her teeth and raised her face, allowing the water to wash over her.

Something, _anything _ to take her mind off the burning of her lips, her breasts, the heat building up between her legs…all places_ He_ had been.

Except- he hadn't. Not physically. He'd never been there. It was all in her dreams- erotically painful, excitingly agonizing dreams.

She shut her eyes tight to block out the mental images fighting their way back in her consciousness.

It was so wrong. She shouldn't be thinking about Spock like this.

Granted, she'd dreamed of him before, but not with such…frequency. One night, a nightmare. The next, a sex dream. Nightmare. Sex. Nightmare. Sex….

Two weeks of this! It was ridiculous.

She felt her teeth begin to chatter. Her fingers and toes were numb.

She reached out, turning up the heat, until the chilled water turned luke-warm, and resumed her thoughts.

Spock.

They'd never been intimate, never even shared a kiss. She'd been his T/A for two years. He'd been her teacher for three. Over the time they had gotten to know one another as friends through lunch outings, and late-nights in the language lab. She enjoyed their conversations on language development, culture and history. She taught him Earth culture, taking him around the city, educating him on human idiosyncrasies, and he taught her about Vulcan culture. .

All their time together and it had never gone beyond friendship. He'd never even touched her. But there were times, or rather, there used to be, when she thought his eyes were talking to her, saying something more. But that would pass, and she'd thought she'd imagined it.

And now?

Lately, he'd just been distant. Since coming back from Vulcan she'd seen him a grand total of three times. The first time had been when she was transferred out of his office. She'd come to collect her things, and he'd been there. She'd asked him about the transfer but he was uncharacteristically vague about it, saying it was "unavoidable". He hadn't given her time to respond.- He'd simply walked out, leaving her to round up her stuff. The second time she'd seen him; he'd walked right by her on the quad and said nothing. He didn't even look at her, even though she'd been right in his line of sight. Instead he stared ahead, acknowledging no one. That in itself was surprising, as he always greeted her, even in passing. And the most recent time was this morning in Captain Pike's office. She thought the only reason he'd even acknowledged her as "Cadet" was because Pike was present. If he wasn't, Uhura was sure he'd have walked by without a word.

She didn't think she'd done anything to make him upset, but she couldn't understand what was wrong. They'd been friends for three years and in the last two weeks, it was like they were strangers.

And of course, the dreams, both the scary and the erotic…were centered either on him or on Vulcan.

This was just too damn much. She had less than a month till graduation and she was unraveling.

Uhura was not by any means an emotional woman. She'd never been one for tears and sappy love songs. She was focused. She was dedicated. Her friends often called her a robot. It wasn't a far stretch. But lately, all that seemed to be crumbling. She was maxed out.

She needed some answers. Something to explain what was going on.

Why was she having these dreams? Why was she transferred two a month before graduation? Why all the change after the Vulcan trip? And what was wrong with Spock? She wasn't stupid. Uhura was many things, but dumb was not one of them. Something was up.

And she was determined to find out exactly what it was.

With a newfound sense of resolve, she stepped out the shower.

The clock read 0400. She'd been in the shower for over an hour and her skin was wrinkly. She needed fresh air.

She dried off, and seeing no need for sleep anymore, put on her academy grays, pulled her hair back and headed out the door to the track. Might as well get some exercise before starting her day.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 5  
**

* * *

_She was whispering his name and he could see her. She was there, in front of him. Her long hair loose across her shoulders, her neck was bare. He wanted to touch her. He crossed quickly, holding her gaze as his hands came up to caress her face. He felt her body sink closer to his under his touch._

_He looked into the big brown eyes that captivated him and he pulled her close, kissing her forehead, her nose, her lips…_

_He felt the heat of her tongue trace a lazy outline of his lips and his hands clenched on her hips as he moaned in her mouth…_

_Nyota…_

Spock sat up in his bed, his normal composure temporarily shattered. He tried to wrap his mind around what he'd just witnessed. Vulcans did not dream. Although he was half-Vulcan, he'd only dreamt a handful of times in his entire life.

And he knew this wasn't a dream. No, it was real- too real. Inwardly, he was fighting a growing sense of panic. He quickly began the control methods to piece himself back together. He was still not fully recovered from the trip to Vulcan. Emotional controls which had been firmly in place two weeks ago were still mending.

He slipped out the bed and quickly moved to his meditation corner, lighting the incense and dropping it into the fire pot. The room took on a warm, red glow, as the fire in the pot began to grow. His shadow danced across the wall as the flames became larger, hotter.

Sinking gracefully to the floor, he crossed his legs under him, foregoing his usual robes. He needed to meditate.

He closed his eyes, and forced his mind clear. A blank canvas…Darkness…he was going down…down…retreating into the solace and comfort of his own mindscape. There was no color here. No sounds. No day, not night. He was alone here. This place of comfort, of peace in a moment of chaos.

It was in this place that he could fully analyze the situation without un-needed emotions.

He began to study the dream.

She had been warm under his touch. He could smell her. He could feel her.

He began to look inside his own mind. Searching for something he may have missed. What was he over looking?

He had been so sure he'd erased all her memories of their time together. He had never melded with her. They hand never established a mating bond. But she had been with him- in his mind. And he knew if she was in his…he was in hers as well.

This could not be. It had to be impossible.

But she was _there. _And she shouldn't have been.

And he'd been about to…

To…

What?

He couldn't go there. It was too painful. Too fresh. Too much. Too soon. She was not his. She couldn't be. She couldn't know what he'd done to her.

Suddenly Spock was hit with a dark wave of emotion so black it knocked him out of meditation. He felt himself forcefully ejected out of his peace as intense spasms of hurt, pain, anger and sorrow washed over him. He gasped, clutching his side in pain as a burning sensation tore through his body, shooting strait to his heart. He doubled over, squeezing his eyes shut as the emotions filled him, engulfed him. It was a hurt, deeper than any physical pain could go. And it tore at him, pulling at his conscience. Threatening to destroy him…

Her name was still on his lips as he fought the emotions breaking through all his control. He was fighting himself, trying desperately not to drown against the flood of emotions as his thoughts were consumed by _her…_

He had to control himself. He had to get control. He heard his father's voice, through the fog in his mind.

"_Vulcan's feel deeply. We must control our emotions, before they can control us…"_

What he wouldn't give to change things. To make it like it was before…But it was done. She could not know. She would never know.

He would not hurt her again. Slowly, he began to breathe.

* * *

**Autor's Note:**

Oh dear!!! I left off Chapter 5! I don't know how this happened. This chapter is important. Please forgive the foux-pas. Here's Chapter 5. Please read before Chapter six. Again, sorry for the mishap.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Notes: Okay guys. We're heading to warp here. Be prepared. It's going to get very bumpy from here on out. I think this chapter will clear up many of the questions you all have about why Uhura doesn't have physical scars, missing time, etc…And it also gives a little more information on what Pike, Spock and Sarek agreed to do about the situation. **_

**The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 6**

**

* * *

  
**

He needed liquor- a lot of it. Captain Pike sat alone in his apartment, his back against the cozy recliner, feet propped up on the coffee table. His hand lazily reached for the now half-empty bottle of scotch on the table next to him. His hands fumbled to grasp the neck of the glass container holding the precious, golden substance that was his ticket to escape.

He hadn't bothered with the formality of a cup. There was no need. It was just him and the bottle-that beautiful, beautiful bottle. Maybe if he drank all of it, the liquid fire in his throat would drive out the demons of his heart and mind.

Captain Pike had a secret. And it was eating him alive. He had never felt so torn; caught between two people and two worlds.

He was a silent witness to a crime he could not report. The damage would be too high, the cost- too great.

The bottle again met his lips, and he inhaled the strong sweet-sour stench of the scotch. He gasped at the well of flame burning his esophagus, and felt a trickle of the liquid escape his mouth and begin running down his chin.

He brought a heavy arm up to wipe at his mouth.

He had to laugh at himself. "There's a saying for situations like this," he spoke aloud to the nothing-ness around him. "You're only a drunk if you drink alone."

Well, he was definitely alone right now. _Look at me_, Pike thought, nursing his bottle close. _I am Christopher Pike- Captain of the USS Enterprise. My exploits are becoming standard review for these young cadets. I've fought wars, prevented them. I've dealt with Presidents, Ambassadors, Kings and Queens. I'm a soldier, sworn to protect my subordinates…but I can't even protect myself…  
_

Through his drunken haze Pike realized he was throwing a pity party. He was disgusted at himself, and quickly stood up.

Too quick- the room began to spin and he stumbled, the bottle falling from his hand and spilling golden liquid across the plush ivory carpet of his living room. He placed his hands against the wall to steady himself. The after-effects of a three-quarters downed scotch bottle, its remnants now on the floor.

He was panting now with the effort to hold himself up, the sweat beading at his brow. It was hot in the room and Pike felt like he was being suffocated.

Slowly he slumped against the wall, his body falling from the weight of intoxication and diminishing muscle control. Suddenly he felt his legs go, and he landed in a heap on his floor.

He rested his head back against the wall, his breath coming in shallow pants as his heart raced. He closed his eyes, and welcomed the blackness that would put him out of his misery, if only temporarily…

**II**

_He heard a loud crash and the sounds of breaking glass filled the night, followed by crashes and snarls. The fortress shook with the sounds of struggle as a pained cry pitched the night air and a body slammed with a loud band against the locked doors causing the structure to quake. Slowly the doors fell open._

_He raced into the room his sole focus the young female prisoner he knew was trapped there. What he saw made his stomach churn, and he felt physically ill. Green blood stained the walls, the smell of musk and copper and sex filled his nostrils. _

_He felt pinned to the spot, just inside the door as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. Gone was the regal, calm visage of his first officer and in its place a wild animal. Naked, and bleeding from a multitude of wounds, hair disheveled and eyes wild, Spock crouched low preparing to strike the senior Vulcan guard who had backed him into a corner._

_He watched as the young Vulcan was taken down by two more guards, and heard inhuman snarls and grows as Spock thrashed viciously, trying to escape. _

_His dazed glare on the corner where the struggle was ensuing was broken by a soft cry in the center of the room. He turned to see the Lady Amanda crying softly at the bed. His body seemed to move again and stilled at the sight of his young cadet, her small frame now completely exposed, a strange red substance staining the white linen sheets around her. He watched in horror as the stain grew larger, and the cadet remained still. Unconscious…_

Pike felt himself swept away as the colors began to bend and swirl around him. He knew he was moving, but was powerless to stop it. He fought to focus again and when he realized where he was, he wanted to leave.

_He watched the team of surgeons go in and out of the room. He knew it was bad. He prayed he wouldn't lose her. But half of him hoped she would not wake up. She should sleep, forever. To spare her the pain of what had happened…he couldn't bring himself to think it. He couldn't say it. But that didn't mean the situation did not exist…_

_The Lady Amanda called it Pon Farr. He read the medical files she had given him- her own. Over thirty years of injuries…he felt… disgusted. He felt…sadness. He felt…pity…but…he understood. It was biological. It was…unfortunate that an entire race of beings could be cursed so…_

_He watched as the figures entered the room and he saw his first officer for the first time in over 14-hours. The Vulcan was calmer now. And Pike felt a sense of hurt. He hurt for her. He hurt for him. He hurt for them._

_What their love could have been, but would be no more. Not after this. And… he watched. He heard the words…still not understanding but knowing what had to be done…"_forget"_…_

He was moving again, quicker now, and the room spun now, slowly at first, then faster, faster until he felt dizzy. He felt his body being picked up as he spun in the air, up with the swirls of color surrounding him. He closed his eyes and…landed.

_He was speaking with the Ambassador and his first officer, their voices low. They were standing outside her door. The same chamber of horrors now fully restored. It was perverse, he knew, but he had to marvel at the speed the Vulcans worked. There were no physical signs of the events of last night._

"_She is repaired. Our healers worked long through the evening to ensure this. We have placed pain blockers in her consciousness to keep her until her body heals completely. She will not feel any physical discomfort. Spock has buried the memories of their relationship and of the events of last night. All she will remember is that he is her instructor, nothing more."_

_Pike heard the words the elder Vulcan spoke, and looked at the silent visage of the offspring. Spock was staring straight ahead. _

_Pike felt the need to speak._

"_Your healers have worked quickly. Our transport leaves in three hours. She is not yet awake. How do we explain gaps in time?"_

"_She will have no memory gaps. They flow seamlessly. The last thing she remembers is falling asleep. She remembers none of my wife's visit to her. All she knows, is she returned from the reception. She fell asleep. She will awake today. So much has happened. It has only been two days time. It is now the eve of the second day. She will attribute it to feelings of fatigue."_

'_You altered her memories!" Pike heard his voice grow loud with anger._

"_We have implied. You agreed to this. It is for the best. This is not something that is done lightly Captain. We consider it a great violation to impose on another's mind. Unless you would prefer the alternative…"_

"_No," Pike shook his head vehemently. _

"_Then it is. Spock will return on a later date, as he is still in recovery. Live Long and Prosper Captain."_

_The elder Vulcan walked off, leaving the two officers standing in front of each other._

_Spock stepped forward._

"_She will need to be transferred to another professor. She can no longer serve as my Teaching Assistant…"_

_Pike raised his hand, silencing his first officer in mid- speak. _

"_I don't know who I do this for- If it is for myself, to ease my guilt; If it is for you, to protect your career; or if it is for her, to protect her sanity. _

_What is done in the dark, Commander Spock, will surely come to light. We should all prepare for the consequences"_

_**III**_

He woke with a start, his eyes darting quickly around his surroundings, his heart racing. The light filtering in through the uncovered window shone directly into his eyes, causing him to squint. He felt a dull ache pushing itself to the forefront of his consciousness, preparing to launch a full assault against his skull.

He groaned, pulling himself up off the floor. His body felt stiff, and he looked down at himself, the uniform he'd worn the day before clung to him, covered in sweat and…he sniffed. Scotch. He took a step forward, stumbling as he stepped on something round, followed by stepping into something wet. He looked down.

At his feet lay the scotch bottle and its contents. He looked around his empty apartment, his eyes barely focusing on the object he was searching for.

Red lights blinked at him from the small black console that housed the clock.

0700 hours.

He had passed out last night. He felt his head begin to pound. Hangover-the evidence of last night's activities.

He was disgusted.

He closed his eyes as he began walking towards his bathroom, shedding his uniform along the way.

This was beginning to take its tool. The stress of a secret he could never tell. The weight of the entire situation. Pike was a wise man. He knew it could not end pleasantly. There was no happily-ever-after here…

He turned the shower on, raising the heat as high as possible. He stepped in, allowing the water to scald him, to burn away the memories-to sear off the dream.

It was like he'd relived Vulcan all over again.

He raised his face to the water, allowing the drops to drip down his forehead, his nose, into his eyes, his chin and the length of His nakedness. He wanted to purge.

He thought back to his parting words to his first officer before they hand left the planet.

_What is done in the dark, Commander Spock, will surely come to light. We should all prepare for the consequences"_

It seemed those consequences would come sooner than anyone thought.

* * *

**One more thing: I planned out Chapters 1-6, and the ending. But nothing in the middle. I usually don't solicit reviews, however, I'd like to hear what you, the reader thinks so far. Tell me what you'd like to see/ or where you'd like to go for the next few chapters. Here's the opportunity. **

**Thank you to those of you who have read, reviewed, PM'd, and listed either the story or me as a favorite author. And to my many "lurkers" too. I didn't know I had so many until I discovered the "stats" function on the login page.**

*****UPDATE: I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT OFF CHAPTER 5. I AM SORRY. ITS NOW POSTED. PLEASE READ. AGAIN, CHAPTER FIVE IS UP NOW.***  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**  
**_Author's Note; I apologize for the update confusion earlier in the week. When I first posted Chapter 6, I forgot Chapter five. So I went back to post that chapter, thus causing some update alerts to go out. Before proceeding to seven, I suggest you go back and re-read 4,5,6. Especially five, as you will have a better idea on what's going through everyone's mind right now. Thank you for the reviews, I've taken some notes, gained a few more plot bunnies. _**  


* * *

  
**

** The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 7

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­________________________________________________________________________________

She arrived at Professor Markham's office right at 8 am. If it were any other circumstance, Uhura would have been satisfied with her assignment. Markham was a world-renown xenolinguistic expert. He had discovered several new languages in his years with Starfleet, and had been the driving force behind the new communications construct and layout on the fleet's flagship, Enterprise.

In any regular instance, she should have been thrilled to be under the tutelage of Markham. She knew many others would do just about anything for the opportunity. But she wasn't the others. And this was no regular instance.

She'd rather be with Commander Spock, as his T/A. It was where she felt right. She couldn't explain it. Maybe she'd grown complacent over the last two years as his aid, but something told her it was more than that. They just…fit.

Giving a shake of her head, she snapped out of her day dreams and went inside. Markham was waiting for her.

"Ah, Cadet Uhura. Glad to see you're here on time. I need you to run these by administration. They're next semester's requests for T/A positions. I need you to drop them off for me."

Markham handed her a stack of folders, each labeled with names. As Uhura struggled to balance the stack, she dropped her PADD on the floor, leaning under the weight.

"Oh, sorry about that Cadet. I should have given you a minute to get settled. Don't worry, I'll get that. Just take these. They're already late, and I don't want any more calls from those people asking me where the files are."

Markham bent over to grab her PADD off the floor as Uhura turned and exited.

She took the shortcut down to administration. It was one of the oldest buildings on campus, dating back to the 1900's when the old San Francisco State University had still been in existence. In fact, the Academy was built on the old university site, and so many of the older buildings had either been torn down, or, in the case of administration, remodeled.

It was a brief trip across the diamond-patched quad and the day was quite nice. It was one those rare cloudless days, when the usually chilly bay area breeze was stilled, allowing the sun to warm the air. Cadets were all over the place, some running to and from on different assignments, some lounging on the grass, their bright red uniforms striking a hard contrast against the dark greens, the white marble of the buildings and the bright blue of the sky. If it were any other day, Uhura would have enjoyed the sight.

Today was not the day. She was a woman on a mission. And Markham had just afforded her the perfect opportunity to get started.

She climbed the steps of the building and entered. The bright overhead lights hummed softly as she entered the office. It was small compared to the facilities used by the instructors. The old-fashioned desks and chairs were piled high with papers, and there were stacks more strewn across the floor. An ancient computer sat in the corner gathering dust. It was one of those MAC books from the early 21st Century-now completely obsolete.

She sat her stack down on top of the mound of papers and looked around.

"Hello?" she called out.

No response.

Looking around at the stacks of papers it amazed Uhura that Starfleet could get anything done. The fact that they still used hard-copy was interesting in itself, for Earth had stopped the use in order to revive the natural rainforests that had been decimated throughout the 19 and 20th Centuries. The amount of paper crammed into the tiny office probably equated to a small grove at least.

She decided to look around one more time to ensure that no one was there.

Cupping her hands around her mouth to magnify the sound she yelled again.

"Hello! Is anyone here?"

The sound bounced off the walls, her last syllable echoing in the hallway just outside the door.

Silence.

Satisfied, she made her way over to the MAC, turning it on.

Keeping a watchful eye on the door, she tapped her foot impatiently as the machine hummed to life.

Keying in several commands she soon found what she was looking for.

The screen blinked.

**T/A TRANSFER REQUESTS-GRANTED**

**T/A TRANSFER REQUESTS- DENIED**

Well aware she was breaking several academy regulations, she hit the "granted" button, pulling up a list of names. She scrolled down until she found the name she was looking for.

**Uhura, Nyota P., Cadet – Classified**

She blinked in surprise. Classified? Her file was locked for some reason. Maybe this was standard regulation. But she couldn't think of any reason for it to be. Why would a T/A transfer be classified? That made no sense.

She keyed in another command into the console, her nails making little clacking noises across the keys.

**Search: Classified T/A requests**

Thecomputer gave another hum, and returned the results. A single name returned from the queue.

**Uhura, Nyota P., Cadet- Classified**

Uhura sat back startled. Out of the 1200-plus T/A's at the academy, hers was the only file that was locked.

Just then she heard footsteps coming down the hall. She quickly cleared the search queue and hard-booted the machine off, not having enough time to spare before she was caught. But she wasn't fast enough. Right as she turned from the console a surprised voice called out to her.

"Cadet, what are you doing here?"

She forced her voice to remain neutral. She didn't want to have to admit to snooping.

"I was just dropping off the T/A files for Professor Markham," she told the old man staring at her.

"Well, what are you doing _behind _my desk?" The man's eyes narrowed at her searchingly, his face in a scowl.

Uhura felt his eyes burning into her and forced herself to stay calm. She met his gaze evenly.

"I was actually admiring the MAC book you have over here. It's been so long since I've seen one, and even then only in a museum. So I wanted to see it up close. It must be worth a fortune," she lied.

The old secretary's eyes lit up.

"Why thank you! The academy keeps trying to get me to go to all that electronic crap, but I like good old paper and hard-drive, thank you very much. My family's run this school's records for generations, and that computer is like a family heirloom. Everything's stored on it!" He announced proudly.

"Well, you certainly have much to be proud of," Uhura said sweetly, darting her eyes across the rat-trap of papers piled high on the floors.

"Well, I'll be going now," she said, stepping gingerly across the stack of paper by the desk. I hope you don't mind, but I did put Professor Markham's Requests over there," she said pointing.

"Oh, I don't mind at all," said the man. "It's rare that I get visitors here. And most people just complain about the office space. They don't take the time to appreciate the hard work that goes into all this," he said waving his had to indicate the cluttered office.

"Right." Uhura nodded her head in agreement.

She turned to offer another smile as she inched towards the door.

"Well, you have a great day sir," she called as she slipped out.

After she had made it out the building she breathed a sigh of relief.

_Damn that was close, _she thought to herself, as she walked along the pathway, back to Markham's office. She had discovered the T/A lists, but the fact that hers was classified brought up a dead-end.

She needed an expert hacker. Someone who could get in and see her file. And she knew just the green-skinned, red-headed fire brand to get the job done- discreetly of course.

She stopped back by Markham's office and stuck her head in. No one was here. She quickly keyed in a note on his PADD, to let him know her whereabouts and left.

She needed to find Gaila.

**II**

She found her roommate an hour later, holed up in the most unusual place -well, unusual for Gaila that is- the library. She entered the study lab quickly, accidently slamming the door. The sound made Gaila jump and drew stares from other cadets watching them through the glass walls. Thank God at least the inside was soundproof. Muttering softly to herself she looked at her friend, who was now watching her with her arms folded across her chest, waiting.

"Well, what brings you in here so quickly?" she held up her hand to silence Uhura before she could open her mouth. "And don't tell me it's to study 'cause you do that day in and day out."

With a huff, Uhura shot back. "Well, at least I do it. And I don't cram at the last minute like some people," she said, indicating Gaila's mass of papers and PADD's strewn across the tiny work area.

Gaila gave her best, mock-offended look.

"Why Nyota dear, I'll have you know this is the culmination of four hours worth of work. Hardly a last-_minute_ thing," she smiled, batting her eyes innocently.

"I never thought I'd see you of all people in a library," Uhura relaxed, taking a seat across from her friend.

"Yeah, well neither did I. But Russell stopped by the dorm, and then Brad, and then John from Engineering and well…I realized I wouldn't get any work done if I didn't go elsewhere."

Uhura looked at her in open-mouthed shock. "They all stopped by…today? As in between the hours of six and nine? One after the other? Gaila!!!!"

"What?" The Orion said innocently. "No, they all stopped by at once."

Uhura was speechless. Sometimes the Orion's exploits were just too much.

"So, what brings you here? And I know it's not to talk about my sex life. So spill," Gaila said, changing the subject quickly.

"Gaila, I need you to do me a favor. But I don't want you to get in trouble, so let me know if this makes you uncomfortable."

Gaila's eyes widened with curiosity. Her friend was breaking the rules. This should prove interesting.

"What can I do to help?" she said eagerly.

"My T/A file is classified. And I need to see what's in it," Uhura said matter-of-factly.

"Your T/A file? Why would that be off-limits? There's no point in it," Gaila replied, confused.

"I know. But obviously there's something there that no one is supposed to see. And I need to know what it is. I need to know why I was transferred from under Commander Spock. He isn't talking to me right now. And I need to know about these dreams. I think Spock, the dreams and the transfer are related. So I figured I'd have better access to the transfer file. But when I went to view it a while ago, it was classified."

Gaila's eyes were now officially orb-sized. Uhura thought if they went any wider they'd pop out her head.

"So…you think Commander Spock has something to do with what you've been going through lately?"

"I don't know what to think. I know I have these dreams. They started when we got back from Vulcan. I was transferred right after we got back. It's only _logical_," Uhura smirked, causing Gaila to grimace at the word. Her friend had been hanging around the Vulcan way too long.

"Okay Ny, let's see what we've got then." She said, agreeing to the plan.

The two women turned towards the computer console.

Uhura watched as Gaila began entering command codes.

It always amazed her how brilliant the Orion really was. She was an Engineering genius, recruited to Starfleet after she had successfully shut down Earth's defense fields from an Orion outpost years ago. The federation had found her, and realizing she was only a child at the time, decided to foot the bill for her education on Earth.

When Gaila had told her the story she couldn't help but be amazed at how the woman had gone from being an Orion slave girl, to being one of the most remarkable programmers the academy ever had.

Of course, you couldn't tell such from her grades. The Orion put more work into her sex life than her academics, but Uhura chalked it up to being part of her nature. It was who she was. And Uhura loved her for being…well, her.

Her attention turned back to the console as it beeped. The women watched as the file opened. Uhura's eyes skipped over it, landing on two paragraphs in particular:

**T/A Transfer Requested by: Commander Spock**

**Reason: The relationship between Cadet Uhura and I has grown increasingly close over the last two years to the point of a friendship. Although not in violation of any academic rules governing contact with a superior officer, Cadet Uhura's presence could be misconstrued as an act of favoritism. In order to assuage any such accusations or implications I request she be transferred from my tutelage immediately.**

**Approved by: Captain Christopher C. Pike  
**

The women sat in open-mouthed silence.

Finally, it was Gaila who spoke first.

"Well…I think he likes you."


	9. Chapter 9

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 8

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­__________________________________________________________________________________

Her head was spinning and she really didn't know what to think. On one hand, she was partly relieved that her romantic dreams weren't too far off base about Commander Spock. On the second hand, she was confused: Did the Commander know what he had seemingly inadvertently admitted to in those precious few lines of text? Did he know that she felt the same way? And then she was just plain pissed- how could a Commanding officer even entertain such thoughts? She was his subordinate!

_And he is your superior and that didn't stop you from lusting after him now did it? _Her inner voice chastened.

Should she confront him? Or should she let it go? Would the calm, cold Vulcan even acknowledge this? Hell, Vulcans didn't express emotions! Of course he wouldn't…_But you want him too_, the voice in her head continued, _and you know he will._

The final thought stopped her short. _How_ did she know that? She _didn't_ know that!Spock? Have an emotional reaction? Sure there had been…moments when she'd felt there was so much more between them, but he had never acted anything less than professional towards her.

But oh! How she wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe he could…she couldn't bring herself to even think the word.

Uhura was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she didn't notice that Gaila had been trying to get her attention. The Orion waved her green arms frantically in front of the face that had been staring at the PADD in front of them for the last 10 minutes.

After no luck, she figured she'd have to take desperate measures. So she walked around, placed her hands on the back of Uhura's chair, and pushed.

Brown arms and legs went flailing as Uhura hit the ground with a crash. She jumped up, pissed.

"Gaila what the hell?!"

"I had to get your attention somehow! I've been calling your name forever and you've just been staring! Damn." Gaila put on her best hurt-look.

Uhura softened. "My bad. It's just…strange, ya know? I mean, he's never given any indication…." she waved her hand at the PADD.

"I mean, maybe we're just reading too much into it right?" she laughed half-heartedly, and Gaila heard the strain behind it.

The Orion changed her tone, now serious. "Uhura, he's been the object of your desires for years. And everything that's been happening to you, the dreams, the transfer…maybe he's trying to tell you something. Aren't Vulcan's telepathic? Maybe he's trying to communicate to you the only way he knows how."

Uhura turned, and looked at her friend, a doubtful expression on her face.

'Vulcan's are touch-telepaths Gaila. And he's never touched me. I don't think they have the power of suggestion."

"Well whether they do or don't this is too much to be coincidental. And if you'd stop being in denial long enough you'd see it too."

"I do see it Gee, I just don't know if I want to acknowledge it…" Uhura finished softly, looking down at the floor.

"All this is too much. I feel like I've opened a door just a bit…and I know, just know there are things on the other side that I'm not sure I want to see."

"But maybe you _need_ to see what's inside that door- all of it. And Commander Spock is the key," Gaila replied.

The girls fell into silence again, each contemplating the events of the last few weeks.

Finally, Gaila spoke up.

"You know…I'm working the Kobyashi Maru tomorrow. I know you're supposed to be working with Kirk. Maybe you should go talk to the Commander between now and then. In fact, I strongly suggest you do. What's the worst that can happen, except he tells you you're crazy and says no to everything."

Uhura's eyes flashed sharply as she looked Gaila in the eye. "I don't take _no_ for an answer."

The Orion smiled wickedly. "I know you don't _Nyota. _That's why you're gonna go to him."

_**II**_

He was pulling an all-nighter in his office. It wasn't the first time. In fact, he'd been working late nights for the past few weeks. He had told himself it was because he had a lot work and research to catch up on. But if he was being truthful, he simply didn't want to go back to an empty apartment.

But of course, that would be an all too-human feeling. And he was not human. Clearly he was Vulcan. More Vulcan than he had ever thought he could be.

He worked in silence, mentally going through the final upgrades to the Kobyashi Maru. His long fingers skimmed over the PADD in front of him, his mouth curved ever so subtly in a frown, his brow furrowed in concentration.

He had programmed each test by hand, fitted especially for the cadet preparing to take it. He had studied their psychiatric profiles, learned how each student worked, and programmed the test accordingly. Then there was this one.

**Kirk, James T.**

He was a cadet like no other. This would be his third time taking the test, and Spock was displeased. This particular cadet had obviously failed to understand the parameters of the task before him. He had overheard him promising to "beat" the test. That in itself was illogical, as he had programmed it to be un-winnable. He could not understand why he was being made to sit-in on this pointless third attempt, but no matter. He was being ordered to do so. He would make sure the test performed optimally.

While he worked, part of his mind began to drift back to his childhood. A part of him wondered why these memories would be surfacing now.

He had been teased and taunted. Always the outcast. The Half-breed. The Monster. It had gotten easier after he was sealed as clan heir and sa-te 'kru, but…even then his position had remained precarious.

He had been shepherded to healers by his father, and they all said the same thing: He was fine. He should have matured like the others.

But he didn't. He had excelled at his Kahs-wan. He had been successfully bonded with a female.

His first Pon Farr should have come at age 14. It didn't.

It was only so long before the elders began to grow concerned. He heard his father's discussion with the Vulcan doctor's who had tended his birth. All were at a loss.

15 came, then 16, 17…still no Pon Farr. He watched and suffered silently as others his age bonded and began to bear children. His _time_ had still not come.

He had heard the whispers, long silenced, begin anew. It was never spoken outright. To do so would have brought the offending tongue shame. But it was nonetheless speculated upon.

His human blood had made him no more than an _ek'puyik jarel_- a mule. Fixed. Sterile. Useless.

He was a eunuch.

He had known his mate had grown restless waiting. She had voiced her displeasure with him on more than one occasion prior to his departure from the planet. He had already resigned himself to free her from her obligations to him before he left for Earth. But it had happened much sooner than he expected.

He had felt her adultery through their bond, yet was powerless to stop her. How could he? By Vulcan law he had no right, as they had not yet joined in Kun-ut-kalifee.

He was not grieved about the situation itself. Over the years he had come to accept that he would never experience Pon Farr. His father's difficulties in time had made him somewhat relieved he had been freed of such a burden. He did not want the violence or the brutality of it, the violation of a sacred bond-mate.

He was only grieved about his lack of acceptance. He was Vulcan. He had been born and raised Vulcan. He was mentally superior to his cohorts. As he had grown he'd become physically superior to them too. And his telepathic abilities were comparable to that of the elders, given his lineage. His only failing happened to be a physiological one- but one that defined Vulcan males.

So when, at the age of 30 human years, he had entered his time, he had not recognized it as such. But the ancient drives were strong.

He had been every bit the brute he had so despised in his father and more.

And that cursed creature called T'Pring…she who had mocked him. Shamed him. Attempted to emasculate him.

He was resentful. He had given much to his home planet only to be rejected and despised.

The one thing that helped center him, his Nyota, was gone. And he was snatched back to Vulcan with the quickness and possessiveness of a mother lematya calling her cub.

But in his turmoil of conflicted feelings he couldn't help but feel a morbid sense of satisfaction. _Vindication._

His recent time was proof that he was Vulcan. More Vulcan than he ever thought he could be. More Vulcan than, right now...he wasn't sure he wanted to be.

He could reproduce. He could carry on his race…but the woman he wanted by his side, he couldn't reach. And the one he despised was locked in chattel in the bowls of the citadel.

He had resigned himself to their shared fates.

His- of dying in seven years. Hers- of never knowing he loved her and T'Pring- of rotting in the hell she had cast for herself in her betrayal.

He sighed. He was becoming bitter. An emotion that if left unchecked could be disastrous. And something he wasn't supposed to be feeling. In fact, he wasn't supposed to be _feeling _period_. _

He had been given the ability to procreate. He supposed he should be thankful. But that gift was now his curse, as he had lost his mate.

He was suddenly jolted out of his reverie by a swoosh of his office door.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 9

______________________________________________________________________________

She had called Professor Markham later that afternoon to let him know she would be busy with a special project. He hadn't asked for further elaboration, and she hadn't offered it. It wasn't _exactly _a lie, but it wasn't necessarily the truth either.

No, she had needed time to think.

She may have been making a mountain out of the proverbial mole hill, and she didn't want to embarrass herself, or jeopardize her career if she was wrong in her assumptions about Spock. _Commander _Spock.

Uhura was a realist. And it didn't take a genius to follow the trend. Those Cadets who had gotten involved with their instructors usually found themselves studying on distant outposts. Their superiors reassigned to the neutral zone.

There was precedent. And with her dream of serving on the Enterprise so close to becoming a reality, she had to be 100-percent sure that she was making the right move.

So, she did what she knew best. She sat down and studied, weighing the evidence, which was circumstantial at best.

_His late arrival from the trip to Vulcan. The transfer. The dreams. His refusal to acknowledge me when in the same vicinity. And the discovery of the classified transfer form._

She had to know. Did he share her feelings? Was this really why he'd been so distant from her?

She looked out her dorm window at the stars now blanketing the San Francisco skyline. She hadn't even noticed it had gotten dark and…she checked the clock- quite late too.

She sighed. She knew Spock's habits. They'd worked together for years. He'd still be awake this hour.

"Computer, locate Commander Spock."

**II**

She stood outside his office door for exactly five minutes, working up the nerve to go in. What would she say to him? How would this conversation even get started? She began to feel light-headed and swayed a bit. At her wavering motions, the sensor picked up, opening his door with a whoosh. Her head cleared instantly at the action and she found herself looking directly at Spock sitting across the office at his desk.

She stepped forward as he stood to face her.

"Cadet Uhura it is quite late and well after your curfew. Why are you here and not in your specified location?

He looked at her, dark eyes burning into her own.

She stepped forward, her hands clasped behind her, back strait. Chin up. She met his gaze.

"I am here, Commander, because you have transferred me, ignored me for two weeks. I have been your assistant for two years. I demand to know why."

Silence.

His gaze never faltered, and through her study of his face, she saw his jaw clench minutely. It was an action that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else, but she had seen that expression before. And it didn't bode well.

"Cadet, as I stated before, it was unavoidable. Now, unless you wish to be written up for insubordination I suggest that you leave."

He had advanced closer and was now in her personal space, staring down at her.

Neither backed down.

"I am not leaving. I read the file _Commander_. So again, I demand an explanation."

She knew she was treading on dangerous ground. Spock looked absolutely volatile. And dare she say…pissed- for a Vulcan, that is.

His gaze never faltered, nor did he speak. He was so close she could feel the heat of his body on hers. It felt so….familiar...

Uhura made a split second decision not driven by thought, but by instinct. It _felt_ right. Before her mind could even register what was happening she tipped up on her toes, grabbed his jacket and pulled their bodies together.

If she had thought he wouldn't respond, she was mistaken.

She felt strong arms close in around her, pulling her tight against his chest as their kiss deepened, and grew more urgent with…need.

She couldn't think. She couldn't focus. All she could do was _feel. And he felt damn good._

She heard him breathe her name_…Nyota…_

Her body began to course with a heat she'd never felt before_. _She closed her eyes…

Instantly she was hit by a barrage of images.

_They were naked, their limbs entwined in a bed. He was on top of her, beneath her, behind her… Vulcan- The fortress. A woman in a sheer gown. Screams. Snarls…Him, naked and feral- Fighting. She was drifting…Blackness…_

The shock jerked them apart with force, each backing away and panting heavily. Uhura looked at him, her eyes wide, confused.

"Cadet Uhura I suggest you leave now." Spock commanded his voice hard. He was across the room, gripping the desk so hard she noticed his knuckles had gone white- the veins in his hands tight and raised against the skin.

"But…"

"**NOW**!" She had never heard him yell. But the tone sent a chill down her body and she hurried to the door as fast as her legs could carry her.

A beep and a swoosh later, and she was on the other side, away from him.

She ran down the hall, and turned into the first open door.

It was there in darkness that she sank to the floor, breathing heavily. Her heart felt pained, her body tingled and her mind…there was no description for what she felt.

Disorientation. Fear. Excitement. Lust. Shame.

What had she done to him? What had he done to her for that matter?

She began counting backwards, trying to slow her heart and her winded gasps…

"Ten...nine…eight…in…out….in…out…three…two…one…" she said in a faint whisper.

She felt her body begin to calm, and she pulled her knees to her chest, laying her head down.

Already the images she'd seen were starting to fade. What had she seen exactly?

She tried to hold on to an image. But they had been so fleeting, barely a blur. But she had seen them. They meant something.

She worked to focus her thoughts, latching onto one vision Spock had given her.

It was them. The very first thing she'd seen from him.

And then, a startling thought occurred to her.

_Gaila was right._

Just ask quickly she was hit by another emotion. Fear. Uncontrollable, body-shaking fear that made her blood run cold.


	11. Chapter 11

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 10

* * *

What had he done? Spock paced around his office, still shaken by the events that had occurred moments ago.

She had been here. With him. She had kissed him. And he'd slipped.

He had given in to a base emotion that was both dangerous and inappropriate.

_But __**she**__ kissed you_. _And __**you**__ liked it. _

His inner voice. It was the same voice that started their journey together two years ago. The same voice that made him act on his feelings for her. The same voice that had driven every action he'd ever made towards her up until two weeks ago. It was his human side.

His lips tingled with the taste of her still on them.

He needed to focus. There was a problem of grave importance he now had to deal with.

When she'd kissed him, she had caught him unaware. He hadn't fortified his emotional controls fully, and subsequently, they were still weak. In short, he had unintentionally transferred his thoughts to her. He knew what she'd seen when they had kissed.

It was a grave error.

This was also confirmation of another problem. The mind swipe had not been successful.

Her memories were coming back. This he was sure of. She had spoken of dreams. She had cracked his file.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised at her deductive skills. He had praised them as exceptional in formal memos to her superiors.

Could it be that subconsciously he had wanted the meld to fail?

Had he sabotaged himself by leaving certain things in place?

It would have been illogical to swipe her memories completely. Her experiences at Starfleet had been so entwined with her relationship with him that it was a challenge to detangle the two.

He was forced to edit her memories rather than wipe them clean. He couldn't just erase two years of a relationship without taking out key points of knowledge.

It was clear to him that just because he may have removed certain episodes, he couldn't remove her feelings. They were still there. She didn't understand them. But he did.

His Vulcan half could not begin to grasp at the emotional turmoil that was raging in him, and he quickly left the office, heading to his quarters.

Upon entering he quickly shed his clothes, not bothering to put them in the refresher. He settled down in a corner, and forced himself to meditate.

But no rest or comfort was found. There were no Vulcan solutions to address his problem. No words. It was a terran phrase he never fully understood until now and he believed it fit perfectly into the situation that had been created and only seemed to get worse by the day:

He'd fucked up.

**II**

What did this mean? Her mind was racing as she walked into her dorm. Gaila lay spread eagle across her bed, the red hair spilling out in a fiery halo around her head. She was snoring.

Uhura tiptoed, around, not in the mood to talk if her roommate were to awaken.

Her body was hot, her lips tingly with the taste of _him._

It was so unexpected. She didn't even know what had possessed her to kiss him. The images he'd transferred to her during that kiss had faded, and she couldn't focus at all on them- except for the one. The very first one she'd latched on to.

She didn't know what to make of it.

Emotionally exhausted she fell into her bed, and quickly drifted off to sleep…

_She was back in her room at the fortress, curled in a ball in the corner of the stone walls. Tears were falling freely from her eyes. She was hurt. Heartbroken. She heard someone enter the room and through her tears she saw the Lady Amanda- Spock's mother. She lowered her head and said nothing as the woman came and sat beside her, pulling her into her arms._

"_Let me tell you a story…_

_Once upon a time, a young Earth woman fell in love. She fell in love with a stranger, someone not of her same world. The stranger began to pursue her, and he was strong, intelligent and charming. No one could see why the woman liked the stranger, everyone thought him cold and unfeeling. But the woman saw through that. She saw goodness where no one else could see. You see, the woman had always dreamed of a perfect love. _

_She had asked for a man who could give her the world, he did it. She has wished for a man who could give her the stars. He did it. She'd wished for a fairy tale, with a prince and a castle, and he had given it to her, and more._

_You see, the Prince gave her everything. But when she got it, she realized that the most precious gift she'd ever received from him was the son she bore him._

_The woman had wished on a fairy tale, but unlike the tale, sometimes reality brings grim truths. Happily ever after exists only for those willing to work and fight for it. But rarely does it really come true. Do you understand?_

"_Did I ever have a chance? Did he ever love me?" she said softly._

"_Miss Uhura, I promise you my son loves you very much."_

"_Then why didn't he tell me?"_

"_He did not want to hurt you. He wanted to protect you. This I am sure of…"_

Uhura sat bolt upright in her bed, the sounds of her alarm clock screeching somewhere in the back of her consciousness.

It was real. Too real. This was not a dream. This was a memory.

"_**Cadet Uhura time to rise. Cadet Uhura time to rise. Cadet…"**_

"Will you turn that damn thing off!" She heard Gaila's muffled curse and quickly switched off the clock. She checked the time: 0800.

She moved quickly to dress. She had to be in the simulator at 0900- Today was Kirk's turn at the Kobyashi Maru.

She couldn't dwell on her dream now. She had to focus. Captain Pike would be there. He would be observing them.

Despite the chaos of her personal life, she still had her professional ambitions. Enterprise. Serving with the best Captain in the fleet. Although she had begun to know him personally, she wanted her position based on her ability to do the job-not friends in high places.

Spock and the dreams would have to wait.

Stepping out the bathroom, she kicked Gaila.

"Get up Gee. We have a test to run"


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note(s): **Alright, I must give credit here. Kobayashi Maru dialogue taken strait from the ST 2009 novel by Kurtzman, Orci and Foster.

This chapter is mandatory- as I have to get these people to the Enterprise.

* * *

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 11

____________________________________________________________________________

"_Captain_ James T. Kirk. It has a nice ring to it, don't 'cha think Bones?"

The doctor rolled his eyes at his best friend's arrogance, as he turned to the science station in the simulator.

For the thousandth- time he wondered how the hell he'd ever wound up with Kirk as a friend.

_Oh yea, that traitorous half-wench who stole my kid and my money- that's how I got stuck with Kirk, _Bones grimaced as the unfortunate saga of the last few years jumped to the forefront of his mind.

"Really Jim. Do you have to take this damn thing a _third _time? Why embarrass yourself again? Bones grumbled, running his hands across the controls.

He was the appointed first officer, and as such he'd arrived first with Kirk ahead of the other "crew"

He sighed as his friend settled back in the Captain's chair, propping his feet up on the arm rests.

"Really Bones, oh ye of little faith," the man replied, staring at him in mock- innocence.

"I am merely showing unwavering bravery in the face of certain death- the trademark of a good captain," Kirk replied sarcastically, and Bones just shook his head.

Sometimes, he really wondered if Jim had a sadistic streak in him. Did the man truly enjoy subjecting himself and others to suck abuse?

The Kobayashi Maru was the most feared simulation in the fleet. Even real starship captains couldn't beat the damn thing. It simulated death- from the firings of the enemy vessels, to the hits, the explosions- everything. It was psychological torture.

Bones swore its creator was Satan himself.

And here they were again, for the _third_ fucking time. He swore under his breath as the simulator doors swooshed open and the command staff began to arrive.

He looked up and noticed a friendly face among the other bridge members Kirk had selected for the simulation.

"Hey Uhura!" Bones moved towards his friend, not having seen her since she came to him in the clinic.

He noticed she looked a little tired, but to anyone else, she was perfectly fine. As a doctor he was trained to see the signs.

He pulled her aside to have a word before the simulation got under way.

"Hey love, ya doin' alright?"

She smiled at him, a genuine smile, not forced and he relaxed a little.

"Yes Leonard, I'm well. How are you? I haven't seen you in a minute."

"Well, I've been better. Been keeping Big Jim and little Jim out of trouble," he said, casting a sidelong glance at Kirk, who had been watching them the whole time.

Suddenly the blond jumped down from the chair and swaggered over, draping an arm casually around Uhura's shoulder.

"Good morning Natalie," he said with a wide smile, wagging his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes at him, shrugging off his arm.

"Alright Kirk. Let's get this over with. I can't believe you've corralled us all here to watch you fail_. Again."_

She knew her tone was a little harsh, but she was stressed as it was. She didn't need Kirk's flirts. Not today.

He gave her his best mock- hurt pout.

"Why doesn't anyone believe I can beat this thing?" he said looking up at the ceiling, speaking to no one in particular.

"Because it's un-winnable." Both Spock and Uhura retorted in flat, monotone voices.

They looked at each other and laughed.

"Jinx!" Uhura called first and Bones laughed while Jim looked at the both of them with a raised eyebrow.

"Just you two wait and see," he said mischievously. "I got this."

**II**

"We are receiving a distress signal from the U.S.S. Kobayashi Maru. The ship has lost power and is stranded. Starfleet Command has ordered us to rescue them," Uhura whipped around in her chair to address the "captain."

Next was Bones' turn: "Klingon vessels entered the Neutral Zone and they are firing on us."

Captain Pike peered down the one way mirror at the cadets in the simulator below. He felt himself growing irritated at Kirk's behavior.

"That's okay," the man replied nonchalantly.

His fellow cadets looked at him incredulously, but he ignored the stares, slouching in the chair. McCoy voiced the majority sentiment.

"It's_ okay_?"

Kirk waved his hand indifferently.

"Yeah- don't worry about it."

From the viewing room overhead the test crew looked at each other in puzzlement. What the heck was this cadet doing?

Now McCoy was sarcastic. "Three more Klingon warbirds decloaking and targeting our ship," He paused, turning to face his friend, and right now, arch nemesis.

"I don't suppose that's a problem either?"

Kirk slid lower in the chair.

"Nah."

Both McCoy and Uhura rolled their eyes.

"They're firing on us sir, all of them," came the voice from tactical.

Kirk nodded.

"Alert medical bay to prepare to receive all crew members from the damaged ship."

Now it was Uhura's turn to look irritated.

"And just how do you expect _us _to rescue _them_ when were surrounded and under attack by Klingons…_Captain?" _she folded her arms across her chest, looking at him hotly.

"Alert Medical," he shot back, briefly sounding like someone in command.

"We're being hit." McCoy responded. "Shields at sixty-percent."

From his vantage point above the simulator, Pike's irritation had manifested itself in a full-blown scowl.

Across the room the green Orion worked the computer console. As she keyed in the commands a message popped up on her screen.

_**To Gaila**_

Curious, she moved her finger over the screen, clicking on the link.

**I'M SORRY**

The message flashed across the console and suddenly the command center went black, the screens that had been previously monitoring the scenario flicking on and off rapidly.

The test administers scurried quickly to revive the settings, the previous calm now erupting into a frantic scramble as specialists punched and keyed the consoles.

Down below the cadets watched as the view screen flickered, and died and instruments powered down. It was quiet. Then just as suddenly everything came back to life.

Kirk continued relaxing in the command chair, waiting. The news wasn't long in coming.

"The Kobayashi Maru is still in distress" Uhura said. "But they're no longer firing…in fact…they're dropping shields, Captain!" her voice grew excited."They're powering down weapons!"

"Imagine that," Kirk replied with a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Fire on all enemy ships."

Unable to resist a peek all the cadets turned to face the viewer as each warbird was hit by a torpedo- the explosions like that of fireworks on the fourth of July.

The crew stared in surprise and awe. It was Kirk who interrupted the moment.

"So, we've eliminated all enemy ships. No one on board was injured, and the successful rescue of the Kobayashi Maru crew is underway.

He turned around, his eyes traveling upwards to the simulator control room.

"Anything else?" That comment was clearly directed at the simulator controllers, as they stared down at him from behind the glass viewers.

Kirk pulled an apple out from under his shit, and bit it triumphantly.

Above his head, Pike spun on his heel, heading to the tall dark-haired man in the dark, slate-gray uniform behind one of the consoles.

"How the hell did he beat your test?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

The Vulcan looked up, his eyes narrowing at the figure under them.

_Kirk, James T. _

In a tone that revealed nothing about his current frame of mine he responded in a monotone.

"I do not know…"

**III**

The ship languished in space, its vast tentacles stretching into the nothingness surrounding it. Its crew had been waiting a long time-an eternity to its captain.

There was silence all around them, and after what seemed like hours of waiting the first officer stepped forward to venture a comment. He chose his words carefully; well aware his captain would not hesitate to kill him if he felt his second in command had faltered in their shared purpose.

"Perhaps Captain, our calculations were incomplete."

"No," the superior officer replied, rising from where he had been previously lost in thought in his chair.

"The time is now."

The ship trembled as the space surrounding it began to flex and roll, the impact of highly charged electrons colliding with one another, casting sparks of lightening, ripping the previously empty void apart. From the chaos surrounding it, a small blip appeared on a monitor.

It was a ship- in one piece and moving fast, the uniqueness of its shape making it instantly recognizable.

The engineer forwarded the image onto the viewer.

Gazing upon it, the captain let out three words with a calm that was instantly chilling.

"Welcome back…._Spock._"


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's Notes:**__ Now seeking applications for a beta. The ideal candidate will have a firm grasp on the English language, not be prone to completely change the author's copy, and have a fast turn-around time and doesn't mind being inundated with questions, potential plot bunnies and seriously long ramblings from me. Please drop me a PM if you are interested._

_By the way…I've also lost my plot bunny (again) for Mirror of Darkness…So be patient please! _

_By the way, I really struggled with Chapter 12. But I feel this is important, so bear with me. Chapter 13 is already written, and is basically the moment everyone has been waiting for. If I can find a beta, hopefully it'll be up quickly._

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 12

______________________________________________________________________________

"Spock! Spock!" She hurried to catch up to him as he strode towards the auditorium, his black-clad figure towering above the sea of red moving in the same direction.

He stopped suddenly and turned to face his caller, looking down into big brown eyes that gazed inquisitively up at him. She was breathless.

"Cadet, you will address me by rank." He said directly acting every bit the authority figure.

She was slightly taken aback at his bluntness.

"Y-yes Commander. I apologize." He watched as her eyes fell slightly, a ghost look of hurt burning through them.

He steeled himself.

"What is it that you require Cadet? "

The rush of red and black uniforms continued past them.

He was standing so still, his face so hard that she almost backed out. Almost-but not quite. She straightened herself up, raising her eyes to once again meet his.

"Commander, there are several matters of a personal nature that I feel need to be discussed between the two of us." She paused, waiting on his reply.

_Was that hesitation she saw in his eyes?_ Just as quickly as she locked in on it, it was gone.

His reply was curt.

"Very well. Meet me at 1900 in my office." She watched as he turned his back on her and strode into the crowd. She followed.

**II**

His patience was wearing thin. If this cadet seriously thought he could out-logic him, he was sadly mistaken. After the third set of back- and- forth on the merits of improvised thinking (Kirk's defense) and the fallacies of logic in employing such measures (Spock felt it was cheating) the Vulcan was growing irritated. Of course, it didn't show though his delivery.

While his body was firmly planted in the assembly hall right next to Cadet Kirk, his mind was in several places at once.

One part was focused on the immediacy of the moment- taking Cadet Kirk to task on the sub-routine he inserted into the Kobayashi Maru.

He didn't like the cadet. He didn't like the way the man touched Nyota yesterday in the simulator. He didn't like the fact he'd cheated on his test. And he damn sure didn't like his arrogance.

As the debate between himself and Kirk droned on he was becoming more and more agitated with the man. He also knew his frustrations were related to his own personal problems than the cadet's insolence. He recognized that dragging Kirk's father into the verbal sparring match was wrong, but oddly, he found he didn't care.

If he was to be truthful, he would say the annoyance and frustration he was directing at Kirk was borne out of the abject fear he felt at having to confess to Nyota tonight.

He didn't know what had possessed him to agree to meet her. But it was time. He could no longer deny her.

"**WE HAVE RECEIVED A DISTRESS CALL FROM VULCAN. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPORT TO YOUR STATIONS"**

The voice of the admiral broke off the debate and brought his full attention back to the moment. He felt his body tense at the words. And all other problems quickly faded away.

He felt a sense of dread swell up in his body. For some reason he felt, no. he knew….

He wondered briefly if he was watching his carefully constructed reality begin to break apart right before his very eyes.

As he moved out of the great hall towards the launching bay his mind settled on a phrase he had read in an old Earth-book:

_The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray._

**III**

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't fucking believe it. Well- she_ could _but that didn't mean she had to accept it. And she knew exactly who to find to correct the problem.

He was rattling off a list of names when she approached him, waiting until the sea of red moved off.

"Commander, a word?" Her voice was firm, barely leashed anger behind the professional-sounding words.

"Yes." He was engrossed in the data PADD in front of him and didn't look up. He started walking and she followed.

"Have I not been the top linguistics student for the last two years?"

"Yes."

"And have I not displayed ample proficiency in 83-percent of known-federation languages, and I quote: 'a feat currently unmeasured by any officer before or since?'"

"Undoubtedly, yes."

He kept moving past the bustle of equipment and bodies surrounding them.

"And have I not made my intentions clear that I wished to serve on the Enterprise? Yet despite my outstanding professional achievements that by your own admission rival any current officer I am assigned to the FARRAGUT?"

The last word was spoken with such venom it came out like an expletive.

He stopped walking and finally looked at her, his eyes darting quickly around to make sure no one was listening.

"I wished to avoid the appearance of favoritism."

She paused in her rant, her mind wrapping around the words that had just fallen from his lips. And finally the slow burning frustrating, exhaustion, and worry she'd felt over the last two weeks congealed into something akin to anger.

She hissed at him through clenched teeth.

"I don't give a _damn _about favoritism. Considering your constant need to ignore me for the last two weeks, the fact you transferred me a month from graduation, your barely concealed desire for me, the fact you kissed me back two days ago, and - I am s_ure_ you realize by now that you've been inside my mind for the past several weeks and I _feel_ you- _You_, at this point in time, find it an _imperative_ to worry about favoritism.?!"

She knew her words came out jumbled and confused, but she didn't care. It was the truth. And as she glared at him, she knew her words had hit him hard. The strange look he gave her made her certain of it.

She dropped her tone low to a level only he could hear.

"I am assigned to the Enterprise."

His fingers moved across the PADD quickly.

"Yes, you are."

**IV**

It was all he could do to remain standing, one sentence leaping to the forefront of his mind, confirming what he already knew to be the truth:

_She knows…_

It was like a vice had clenched around his heart as he began moving again, making his way towards the shuttle that would soon take him to the Enterprise, and then to Vulcan…

_She knows…_

He had to control himself. He had to breathe. It would not do to have an officer emotionally compromised. He could not risk losing control. They were in a crisis.

_She knows…_

He pushed the thought down, forcing the swell of emotions at the back of his mind into their fragile dam. He could not think of this…he had to focus on the mission. The distress call from Vulcan. It was imperative…

As he boarded the command shuttle he fought the second wave of panic that gripped him when he thought of Vulcan. A wall of dread had been building in his heart as he thought of his planet. His home.

He mustered all his strength to quell the tumultuous thoughts fighting to break through…

**V**

"_Minutes, Captain…"_

_The words echoed in his ears as he moved from the bridge to the transporter. The emotions he struggled to suppress currently driving him down to the surface- the flood of his mind propelling him to save. To preserve, what he could…who he could…He heard heart his heart pound as he began to learn what real fear felt like…_

**VI**

_NO….._

_His mind ached. His heart ached. As he felt his walls begin to crumble like the peaks of Mt. Seleya..._

_He computed and re-computed- his mind stuck in a loop of torment as he stared at his own outstretched arm, reaching…_

_It wasn't possible._

_It couldn't be…_

_He felt his body heave as he worked to wrap his mind around the inconceivable, his breathe caught in silent pants…the hot tears begging to break free…_

_She was gone…_

_Slowly, ever so slowly he fought against the internal wave of heat, of anger, of grieve flushing through his veins as the realization of his own loss hit him like phazer fire…_

_One thought tearing at the depths of his soul, slowly ripping him apart…_

_Mother._

**VII**

_She felt him. She didn't know the how, or the why. All she knew was that she felt him. She felt his hurt. She saw his pain. He was calling to her and she went._

_It was instinctive- like she knew what to do. She didn't stop to analyze it. _

_He was hot to her touch, and she felt everything- the hurt, the pain, the grief and the anger. It washed over and through her, forcing the tears from her eyes. She was his canvas, releasing what he couldn't. She felt his grip on her tighten and she let him in. She felt his face against her neck and she held him. It was all she could do._

_She fed him strength. She fed him love. _

"I need for everyone to continually performing admirably…"

_She hoped it would sustain him._

**VIII**

_He was raging now. There were no coherent thoughts as he lashed out against his enemy, his fists striking with the accuracy of a viper and the force of an out of control freight train._

_The blows were lancing and he reveled in the feel of satisfaction as each hit its target and blood began to spill…He celebrated in the sight, the white-hot blaze of fire burning throughout his mind as it raged with fury._

_He was squeezing now…reveling in the slow death that was sure to come to his nemesis…_

_His hand locked around the thought, the ice-blue eyes steady rolling into unconsciousness…_

_It felt Good…It felt marvelous…It felt…._

"Spock."

**IX**

_He stood at the place his mother should have reappeared. His eyes cast downward. His normally straight posture now slumped. _

_Sarek stared at the figure of his son. Forming and crafting his words carefully. He had felt his child's pain for weeks, steadily building. He had seen the impending breakdown and had stood by and done nothing._

_Even in their darkest hour he had not imagined it could come to this. He did not know how to reach out. He did not know how to console. He had tried to protect his child from pain. He had worked to keep him safe. He had never imagined …he had never thought…_

"I feel anger for the one who took mother's life. An anger I cannot control."

_Emotions. He had denied them to his son. He had he denied them to himself. But the denial of such things did not discount their existence. He too felt anger. He too felt loss. His wife- the woman who had loved him. She, who had loved him even when he had hurt her. She had loved him when he'd hurt Spock. She had loved them when he'd nearly destroyed their family…_

_Despite everything…she'd loved him…and he'd never told her…_

_An unfamiliar sensation washed over his body as he looked at his son. His seed. The living manifestation of everything he could not be, yet held so dear. He could not allow his most perfect creation to be so broken. He didn't know how to heal. He could only speak his heart…_

"You once asked me why I married your mother…"

_He heard the words fall from his lips, and for once, he didn't hold them back._

"I married her, because I loved her."

**X**

It was over. Nero was vanquished. Vulcan, extinct. His mother, dead. His home, destroyed. But, it was over.

Earth had been saved. The elders and his father…preserved. He felt- empty.

Numb. He was alone, in his quarters. The secondary bridge crew had arrived to relieve them. Forty-eight hours ago he had been in an assembly hall. Forty-eight hours ago Vulcan had still existed.

He felt- nothing. There was a hole in his heart. There was nothing to mend it.

He heard the mechanic swoosh of his doors open, and remained seated at the corner of his bed.

He did not look up as Sarek entered.

The elder Vulcan merely looked upon his progeny.

The child had endured so much, in so little amount of time.

Pride was an emotion, but not an alien one to Vulcans. He was proud of his son. This child, half-human, half Vulcan, born of two worlds, yet at home in neither.

He had fought to live as a baby, when doctors had said his survival, let alone his birth was improbable, and impossible.

He had fought against his very nature proving to be better than those who said he was beneath him.

He had fought against his father, forging his own way.

He had fought to find love.

He had fought against a madness that had nearly destroyed him, yet rose from the ashes of destruction to continue.

He had fought against an unknown foe who had stolen so much from him, yet still he stood.

He had fought against the emotions that threatened to overtake him and had broken through the onslaught to save an entire world…

Yes. Sarek was proud of his son.

He didn't have the words to say it. So he did what he only knew to do.

Sarek reached out and touched his child's face.

Slowly, the big brown eyes of his all too human wife stared up at him.

Spock had his mother's eyes. Large and dark- expressive.

He closed his own, flooded with images that he never wanted to see. The terror in Amanda's eyes, mirroring the terror in Nyota's eyes…the same expressions each had possessed in the presence of his son….

He reeled by the force of the images, forcing his own emotions down as he worked to communicate with his son….He pressed back…working to give the child balance.

As father and son melded Sarek could only offer one thing.

"_Peace, be still…"_


	14. Chapter 14

_Author's Notes: First, a thank you to Aphrodite who beta'd this and got it back quick! You are awesome._

_I worked hard to convey a couple things in this chapter, It actually took a week of writing and re-writing, deleting and starting over, and I'm still not sure what I intended to get through is coming across, but I am sure you all will tell me if it doesn't. I will issue a word of caution here: Much of the text and dialogue in this chapter comes straight from Chapters 13-18 of "The Prince". If you have not read that one first, you may not understand what is going on here. _

_So, with that said, here it is. _

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 13

* * *

"Spock?"

Uhura hesitantly stepped into the darkened room. She hadn't seen or heard from him since he and Jim arrived back from the Narada.

She heard a voice call out.

"He is in his chambers, Ms. Uhura."

"Lights, twenty-percent."

The dim glow lit up the face of the Vulcan in front of her who had spoken. But it wasn't the face she wanted to see.

"Ambassador Sarek, I apologize. I should leave."

She turned to head to the door, but the Ambassador called out to her.

"Lieutenant, stay. I shall leave. My son needs you at this juncture."

She looked up, surprised by his comment, but he had already turned to the door, his back to her.

She watched as his frame was bathed in shadow from the glow of the corridor, the light pouring into the room from the open door. A moment later, he was gone.

It was quiet.

What was she doing here? What had she been doing all this time? She had bullied him into getting her on the Enterprise. She had kissed him again in the turbo lift, and again in the transporter room.

She had been full of his emotions. She had felt his turmoil. The hurt and the anger he had been fighting so desperately to control.

When she kissed him, she had felt the depths of his despair and sorrow and it flooded her senses, bringing her to the point of tears. He was so lost, fighting against himself and everything that had happened.

And, for some reason- she really didn't know why- she had felt she needed to be here. Something in her felt that she was being called.

She slowly made her way from the living area into his sleeping quarters.

"Spock?" she peered into the darkness and heard a voice uncharacteristically graveled and hollow.

"Please leave Nyota."

She felt pain radiating from him, and it overwhelmed her. She couldn't leave him. Not now.

"I'm not leaving you."

She began walking in the direction from which she had heard his voice.

"Lights, twenty-percent."

A dim glow illuminated the room just enough for her to make out his shadow.

She could tell he was sitting on the edge of his bed, hands clasped in front of him, head down.

He looked so despondent, so lost…

She moved beside him, and reached out to touch his hand.

She was literally knocked backwards by the level of the emotions swelling inside him. Hurt, confusion, anger, pain and guilt.

She closed her eyes, and forced herself to breathe. When she opened them, he was looking at her. His face a mask, but his eyes almost black and full of the inner turmoil he was experiencing.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice low.

"I am here because you need me. And I'm not letting you go. Not now."

He looked down at their hands, still clasped together.

"I have not treated you in the manner that you deserve. I have acted out of my own selfishness, with the misguided notion that what I've done was to your benefit-"

She cut him off as she moved against him, her body coming to straddle his lap, her arms wrapping around his waist. She pressed her lips to his and kissed him. She could feel his grief, it was so palpable.

As they kissed she felt his arms clench around her tightly as his body began to shake.

She held him tighter as he picked her up, and placed her down on the bed, coming to rest on top of her.

She heard his breath coming in pants, as the warm tears fell against her face.

Her hands caressed his back as she moved them down to grasp at his shirt. He was kissing her everywhere- her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her lips…each kiss she felt more deeply than the last- his way of finding some sort of release…

She pulled off his shirt as he reached for hers, both shedding the clothes between their tangled limbs.

She could feel the heat of his body as he pressed his nakedness against her skin, his kisses growing more urgent and desperate, as if he were searching for something, anything to cling to that would stop him from drowning in the depths of his own despair…

When he entered her she let out a silent gasp and raised her legs, giving him the access to her entry point he so desperately sought- and she now craved.

He was so big, and he filled her, stretching her so that she bit back a small cry as her muscles involuntarily clenched around him.

She heard him let out a sob at the sensation as he felt the warm, wet heat surround his _lok_, pulling him in further.

He buried his head in her hair, attempting to anchor the emotions threatening to break through the fragile dam that had been holding them.

They lay like that for what felt like an eternity- he, anchored in her, his face buried in her hair. And she wrapped around him, her legs crossed at the ankles at the small of his back, her arms pulled tightly around his broad shoulders.

She kissed his face, raising her eyes from his lips to meet his, and what she saw left her breathless.

Spock- he who had risked his own life on a crumbling planet to save what he could of his home world- he who had dove head first on a suicide mission to save Earth from the same fate. He, who had lost his home, his mother and people…

His eyes were tinged green, brimming with tears still unshed, his pupils were large and black- those same eyes that had sparkled with such intensity before- now looked dead.

In her arms was a broken man and the sight cut into her heart as she began to cry for him. She pulled him tighter against her body and she felt the pressure of his hands as they gripped her hips, clinging to her so hard she knew there would be bruises as he forgot his own strength.

"Spock," The sorrow and grief she felt for him bursting through as she choked out his name through her tears.

They began to move.

He slowly drew out of her and she felt every twitch of every ridge and muscle of his _lok _against her inner walls. She was open to him and she felt her own wetness dripping down in his absence.

It wasn't gentle.

He returned to her with force, driving his _lok _deep into her. She cried out against his shoulder. He was so far into her she could feel him pulsing in her belly as he drew them both up until she straddled his lap once again. It was all she could do to hold on as he began to move her.

He gripped the backs of her thighs so hard she knew there would be bruises. He began to pound her-moving frantically- in…out…in…out… and she began to moan.

His mouth found hers again and she felt his body shake as the heat began to build between them- the friction shooting against her vulva, melting her core. He trembled, a shudder not born of orgasm but of the hurt that came with losing everything he held dear, and he began to sob.

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his, bracing against him. And it was as if…

She was suddenly swept up into his flood. She hadn't truly realized the depth of his grief and she cried out from the sheer agony he felt. She was drowning in his sorrow…and suddenly, a memory…

_**She watched as the matriarch entered, walking slowly towards them. Her hair, done up in an elaborate series of braids and twists has a single streak of white running through it, contrasting with its blackness. Her face was wrinkled, and her eyes piercing, but not unwelcoming. She wore the same expressionless mask as the rest.**_

_**Following the elder was another Vulcan, Ambassador Sarek. His robes were tailored to his body, made in rich hues of blues and greens. He looked positively royal.**_

_**And then- Spock and Amanda. She caught a breath as she stared at him. He wore the same colors as his father, but with streaks of gold embroidered into the pattern. He stood in the same posture, but the cut of this robe was much like that of his commander jacket. It fit perfectly on him, with a high neck that made him look absolutely regal.**_

They moved faster now and he drove into her harder, the depth of his emotional despair controlling him. They were crying together- she on the wave of emotions radiating from him as they coursed through her body, blending with her own grief over the loss of friends, of family, of Vulcan and six billion lives. Plus... one more, scattered and lost to the galaxy…

It was a scene she had never seen. And somehow in her fog she knew it could not be hers. She watched as two Vulcans lay on the stone floor the dampness of the chamber invading her senses…

_**She watched as Spock pinned the Vulcan woman down against the cold, stone floor, her rear exposed. She felt his radiant heat around her and watched as his fingers penetrated the woman. She heard him inhale…**_

"_**You have no choice Spock. You must have me. I am your only option. You need this now. Or you will die. You **__**will**__** have me." The force of her words struck Spock cold, and he released her.**_

"_**Are you a true Son of Surak? Your actions this day show you have been tainted by the off-world. Perhaps you reject me because you are **__**inadequate. **__**I have seen that human whore of yours. She cannot satisfy your need. It is as mine. We burn for each other. Do not fight it. To desire a human is not Vulcan. Are you human, or are you Vulcan?"**_

The sounds of sobs and grief broke through the silence that had previously been in the room-only magnified by the impact of their most intimate parts- the increasing slaps of skin-to-skin contact, the wet, sucking sounds their juices made as they mingled together as his _lok_ continued to drive inside her.

She was approaching her peak now, fully engulfed in the odd sensation of pleasure and emotional pain as the fire between her thighs burned. Through her own tears, she saw his clearly…

_**The fortress had been built for a warrior people. As a defending structure, replete with hideaways and passages long lost to its current inhabitants. Except one. He used that knowledge now, climbing higher and higher…he had found and frequently used these tunnels as a boy. Now they served as the instrument to his success…she was close… He could smell her…he paused briefly, inhaling in the scent he'd been tracking amid the dampness of the walls…she was there…his ears perked, listening…soft breathing…slow, even…His blood was on fire, and he stumbled forward like an injured animal…soon it would be over…yes…there! He slipped into the darkened room, observing the small figure in front of him…he drew his fingers around her face…peace…peace…**_

_**As she embraced him, she felt the heat of his skin on hers, his stare, intent, passionate as he enveloped her , drawing them closer, and closer….His lips on her neck, his hands caressing her legs, moving around her thighs, seeking her permission for approval…yes, yes…she felt his kiss...so soft…so tender…so.. .the kiss…his body shifted on top of her…she gasped… the pressure increase, and she began to struggle…it was no longer passionate…he was crushing her …she whimpered now…trying to break free as hands grasped around her wrists…Spock…she was calling out to him, but he couldn't hear her…she was panicking…she was drowning… she was…**_

_**She watched as her own eyes **__**flew open and it was all she could do to scream before white-hot flashes of light exploded behind them. Fear and pain coursed through her body. Her last sight – brown eyes, now glassy and black, empty, staring down at her.**_

His pace had sped up as a steady stream of sobs wracked his body and she could feel the approaching breakdown coming. His arms raised her high off of him and he began to slam into her with such force that she cried out.

She was drowning now with him, their joint hurt washing over them like the waves of the sea.

Her hands began to rake over his back, her nails digging into his flesh and it was his turn to cry out into the darkness around them. He brought his mouth down against the place where her neck met her shoulder…and bit.

'_**Your father is a traitor for marrying that human whore…'**_

'_**Oh look…he's getting all **_**emotional.**_**'**_

'_**What, are you going to **_**cry,**_** Spock?'**_

It was too much. Too many sensations. Too much feeling and she couldn't contain it all. She couldn't hold out for the both of them any longer.

She heard him moan her name repeatedly, like a prayer chant to the gods…

The sound brought the final climax and the heat that had been building for hours between them became an inferno, engulfing her like an explosion, the white-hot waves of orgasm coursing through her body so fast and hard that she began to shake uncontrollably.

_**Spock, come with me!'**_

'_**Nyota, I do not understand how you can justify my partaking of such an experience.'**_

"_**Spock! You act like I am asking you to dig your own grave! It's just swimming! Think of it as an adventure!" He raised his eyebrow at her but put his foot in the water. ...Fleeting impression followed: the sound the wooden beads in her hair made when she wore it in a traditional style… the way the bridge of her nose crinkled when she smiled… her sense of accomplishment as she mastered a particularly difficult dialect… the easy silence between them as they graded papers together… her never-ending quest to find the perfect combination of spices to make plomeek soup palatable… her sitting with her back against his chest as he repositioned her fingers on his lute…**_

_**The scene changed to them walking side-by-side near a large body of water.**_

_**She looked up at him and Spock felt warmth radiate through his body. Love. This must be love.**_

'_**Spock', she said softly, 'I love you.'**_

She couldn't blink, she couldn't focus, she could only shake as the tears flowed down her face, a single thought screaming through the body that was no longer under her control…

She threw her head back and let out the loudest scream she had ever had…And immediately blacked out.

The sound of his name from her lips took him over the edge as his emotional dam broke. He could feel her muscles clenching and releasing against him, causing his own body to quake through his own tears. He pumped her furiously, bringing his head down to her shoulders, his grip on her tightening further still. He heard her scream his name, the sound ringing in his ears and he was undone.

He couldn't fight against his own emotions any longer as his own orgasm crashed through him like a bolt of electricity and his head snapped back-his seed emptying deep inside her…

She was limp in his arms as he lowered her gently back on the bed. Her eyes were closed, her breath coming in ragged pants. He collapsed beside her and felt her burrow her head into his chest. He pulled her snugly against him.

The storm that had previously engulfed him was now a dull ache and he felt the calm that had eluded him for weeks beginning to take hold- _Kaiidth_.

She had found him when he was drowning and saved him. He gazed down at the sleeping form curled in his arms. It _felt_ right.

He noticed his eyes were tight.

He raised a hand to his face, surprised that it was wet from tears- his own.

The emotional dam he'd forged for so long, now broken. It was strange that the emotions he'd fought so hard to repress had healed a part of him that had been dying- and she had pulled the release valve.

He felt a pang in his heart as he realized this moment with her wouldn't last forever.

_Tomorrow…_he thought, as the sound of her even breathing lulled him into sleep. _I must tell her the truth. Tomorrow…_

_

* * *

_

_**  
Words used:**_

_1) Lok- penis _

_2) Kadiith- "What is, is." A form of acceptance._


	15. Chapter 15

_Author's Note: Here we go. Now the beginning of the end. I think most of the characters are now emotionally exhausted. It's been a rough two weeks on everyone. But there is still a final matter to take care of before anyone can begin to move on- The TRUTH. How that's going to be dealt with...well...to be honest, I don't even know right now. But I think its important for at least one person to get off his chest- hopefully at least he can move on...for now. Enjoy._

* * *

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 14

____________________________________________________________________________

**I**

When she awoke, he was gone. She tried to move, but her body was stiff and sore. A grimace- and then she closed her eyes again, lay back on his bed, and sighed.

Her mind was troubled. It was different now. This wasn't like when she'd been in his office, only catching glimpses of images and having them fade away. No. This time, she remembered everything. And what she'd seen disturbed her.

Her soul was uneasy.

At this point, she didn't know whether to be relieved about the fact that she wasn't going crazy, or be angry at what had been done to her.

She needed answers. She didn't know where Spock was right now, and she really didn't want to talk to him about this. What could she say? She had a thought- more than that really-but she didn't want to approach him unless she was sure.

On one hand, she loved him. Every piece of her loved him. After last night, that was made abundantly clear. But she couldn't discount what she'd seen in his mind- the things he'd let slip- and if it were true…

She felt a shudder course through her body as goose bumps appeared on her skin.

What would she do if what she feared had actually happened? How could he do that do her? There were only a handful of people who knew the whole truth. And she didn't want to talk with the Vulcans. That left only one person.

She moved slowly off the bed, her body screaming in protest. He had folded her uniform and placed it by the chair. She took slow, gingerly steps, wincing slightly at the pain in her body.

She really didn't want to look in the mirror. She didn't need one to know what she must look like.

She dressed slowly, pulling her hair into a low pony tail. She didn't want to wait. This was important.

Her heart was beating hard as she made her way down the hall, well aware of the looks she was getting from the crew as she passed. She imagined she must look terrible- messy pony tail, wrinkled uniform- but none of that was important. She needed to talk. To Captain Pike.

**II**

He sat between his father and grandmother among the elders. Twelve hours before, their world had been destroyed, yet here they sat, as placid as ever. What is- _is_. Kaiidth.

They had to move on. There was work to do. A new home to be found. Survivors to gather. Inventory to take. A home to salvage. Healing to begin.

He took note of the families present. Of the twelve council seats, they had only lost two- two that he wasn't able to save. But they had preserved the Vulcan heart- the Katric Ark- the soul of Surak.

It sat now, in the center of them all. There was hope yet. He knew that such a thing was illogical, but over the last month he had started to recognize that things like hope and faith were very relevant. It was hope that led him down to Vulcan's surface, and it was faith that allowed him to save his elders. He could say he had achieved a sort of healing through his family. He could only hope that when he told Nyota the truth, she could at least forgive him for his sins and allow him to atone for them.

**III**

It was as if the universe had purged itself. One world destroyed- the other, saved. It was a delicate balance, and the most painful reminder of one's own mortality. He thought it an odd sort of karma- almost like God's hand smiting a great race for its own failings, and touching him for his complicity in it.

Maybe he was getting too metaphorical about the situation. But he just couldn't accept the destruction of such a great people at the hands of a lone madman. That would mean the destruction would have been in vain.

He knew he may never walk again. It was a small price to pay for the safety of his ship. His crew. His home. Maybe a part of him had felt the need to pay penance for his own sins- and offering himself up to Nero had been his form of salvation. He didn't know. All he knew now, was that they were heading back to Earth. And he was temporarily alone, isolated behind a white sheet, in the medical bay of his own ship.

He didn't know how long he had been staring up at the white ceiling, laying on his back in his bed, when he sensed her presence beside him. He knew eventually the day would come. Somehow, it seemed fitting she would be here today.

"Nyota. Come in. I will tell you everything."

**IV**

She knew she looked a mess, but nothing like the way Captain Pike did at that moment. He was pale, his ruggedly-handsome features sallow. He looked like he'd been _in_ hell. The rest of them had just been _through_ it.

She had been standing there for minutes, decided whether or not to approach him when he'd called her name, startling her out of contemplation.

He didn't move his body, but rolled his head to the side to study her. They were no longer Cadet and teacher. They weren't officer and subordinate. Here in sick bay, they were equals.

She moved to the side of the bed.

She gulped.

"How do you know why I'm here?"

"Because I know what happened. And I know you were with Spock last night."

His reply, so blunt, startled her, and she lowered her eyes. _How did he know?_

"Ambassador Sarek stopped by. Don't look so frightened. I've walked in on you two before. I didn't say anything then, I won't now."

"Before?"

She knew her face revealed her confusion. And by the look of pain that crossed Pike's face, she knew he'd let something slip that he wasn't supposed to.

She felt trepidation growing inside her, as pieces of the puzzle slowly fell in place. But she wanted someone else to voice her fears.

"Captain Pike, please…." Her voice faded to a whisper. "What happened to me? Why don't I remember?" …the whisper became almost a raspy sob as she lay her head down by Pike's waist, on the bed…"Why did he make me forget?"

She watched as Pike took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. It was just the two of them here. No one to overhear them.

"He made you forget because he loves you. It took me awhile to understand. I thought that we were helping you. We didn't want to see you hurt any more than you already were…" his voice trailed off, and he turned away from her now.

There was silence.

"How? How did I…get hurt?" she heard her own voice tremble, and closed her eyes.

"Uhura…you have to know that Spock would never hurt you on purpose—"

"How. Did. I .Get. Hurt." She heard the bite in her tone, fueled by the increasing pit of fear growing…she knew the answer…

"He was suffering through what they call Pon Farr. Every seven years, they have to take a mate or die…and you—"

At this she heard his voice catch, and she turned her face to meet his, staring right at him, keeping her gaze steely.

"What did he do to me?" her voice was tight.

"Nyota, I am so sorry…"

"What. Did. He. Do. To . Me! Don't lie to me Captain Pike! Tell me the truth!"

She knew she sounded almost hysterical and was yelling at him, yet she found at the moment she didn't care.

She heard his voice drop low, uncharacteristically soft, and almost a whisper and she closed her eyes, taking deep breaths as she readied herself for the truth that had eluded her for weeks….

"He raped you."


	16. Chapter 16

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 15

_________________________________________________________________________________

He couldn't find her. He walked the halls of the Enterprise, back straight, hands clasped firmly behind his back. Every once in a while he would come across a crewman. They would either salute, or lower their eyes as a sign of respect for his loss. He noticed none of these actions. His mind was focused on a singular goal- finding Nyota.

He returned to his quarters and stepped into the darkened room. He could tell before he even entered the sleeping alcove that she wasn't there. He noted her clothes were gone.

Remembering the way he'd been with her the night before, he felt his face flush. He had been rough. Could she have gone to the medical bay? It was en route to her quarters. He stepped in.

The facility was empty. Those with minor injuries had been released. Only the most severely wounded remained, but it was vacant of medical staff at the moment. He was about to turn and leave when an open corner of the bay caught his eye.

He stepped forward. Cornered off in the back, was Captain Pike. Spock stepped forward silently, and stood at the entrance- hesitating.

"Spock. Come in. I'm awake."

_How did he know?_ He wondered momentarily, and then stepped inside.

"I'm sure you didn't come here to check on me." The Captain spoke bluntly.

"Sir, I see that you are recovering well."

"Recovering. Yes. Well…no."

Pike raised his bed, so that he was eye level to his first officer.

"She was here earlier."

Spock turned to leave.

"I told her the truth."

The Vulcan paused at the door. And turned slowly…

**II**

Captain Pike watched his first officer stop abruptly at the entrance. He watched as the Vulcan slowly turned around and met his gaze.

"I told her the truth, Spock. She came here thirty minutes ago. She already knew. I just confirmed."

"It was not your place to tell her anything," Pike saw his first officer draw himself up. He noted the sharp inhale of breath. He could see the glint in Spock's eye even as his tone remained even. He felt himself getting angry at the assertion.

"Not my place? Really? As the most superior officer on this ship, not to mention party to your insanity and the orchestration of the biggest lie of my life…it was not my place- _Commander_?"

He put emphasis on the last word, to remind the Vulcan to whom he was speaking.

"With all due respect, Captain, this is a private matter-"

The words were cut off as Pike sat up quickly in his bed to face the Vulcan, his anger propelling him.

His tone was clipped. The words biting.

"This has never been a private matter. You should have been court-martialed. _I _should have been court-martialed. The only thing that saved your ass is that the event happened on Vulcan. Vulcan law supercedes Federation. And of course you would be spared. Of course the high council wouldn't let their heir rot in a prison. You know damn well what you did. You know damn well had you been on Earth you would have hung for that. So your solution was to make her forget about it."

He saw Spock's fist clench, but he didn't give a damn. He was going to say what he felt. Regardless.

"You and your people didn't give a damn about her. She was inconvenient. You want to hide behind a veil of secrecy so that no one would know the truth- well the truth is out, Spock. She knows. And whatever mind-fuckery you did didn't work. So—you tell me. You claim to love her so much—but you didn't love her enough not to lie to her."

Spock stepped forward, one hand in a fist.

"What? You're gonna hit me? Fine. Hit me."

He looked the Vulcan dead in the eye. Neither backing down.

A long, tense silence followed, and Pike watched the fist clench and unclench…and unclench for the last time. The fire that had glazed Spock's eyes had dissipated, and the Vulcan hung his head in shame.

Finally, his anger spent, Pike relented.

"Spock...I am not reneging on what I said. You'll never be punished for what you did on Vulcan. Frankly, I know that if you could have controlled it, you would have. But I can't explain it to Uhura. You're still going to have to talk to her. I just want you to know that her forgiveness isn't going to come easy."

**III**

After he left Pike's presence, Spock went to the only person he knew could even begin to understand. He found himself again at his quarters- a familiar presence in his room.

"Father, I do not know what to do."

They had never discussed this. It was forbidden. But they were past modern conventions now.

Sarek looked at his son and chose his own words carefully.

"I have been in your situation before- with your mother."

Spock thought back to all those years ago- bearing witness to his own mother's bruises, and the time he had been sent away to T'Pau as a child. He had hated his father. He had thought him cruel- a barbarian.

Now he could understand the insanity that had claimed Sarek then, and the insanity that had laid claim to him just weeks ago.

"Go to her. Say your peace. The choice will be hers."

Sarek paused.

"Your mother could have divorced me in the Kalifee. She could have let me die in the Time. She chose to forgive me- eventually. Maybe one day, your Uhura will be able to forgive you."

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Beta'd by Aphrodite. You are so awesome.

It took a week for this to go up. Started, stopped, erased, and began again several times. THe work is now finished, and the rest of the chapters will be up by the end of the week.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: **Clarification- I have all the Chapters to this story finished. I am uploading them one day at a time to take you guys through Friday. Much thanks to Aphrodite for being Beta. You are wonderful. And thanks to all of you who have reviewed! You all have been so kind and thoughtful. And for those of you who offered insights when I got "stuck" I hope that these next few chapters will show you that I really took your suggestions to heart. From now on, there will be early morning posts- as I have a really busy week, but I'm trying my best to get these up.  
**  


* * *

The Prince: Absolution**

**Chapter 16**

**______________________________________________________________________________**

She didn't know when she had returned to her quarters. She didn't know how long she had been in the corner, curled up and asleep.

All she knew was that she was awakened by a warm hand on her face.

She startled at the contact, and upon seeing who it was who had touched her, scampered back quickly- her back pressed against the corner. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them protectively.

He could feel that she was afraid of him, and it hurt. It was like a knife cutting through his heart, and it was worse than the pain of losing Vulcan.

She wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't meet his eyes. He reached to touch her again, and she shied away. He moved back towards the other wall, giving her distance. He didn't want to scare her. He had to make her understand. He had to try…

"Please. Please, just go away…"

Her voice was soft, shaking with emotion.

"Nyota, I won't hurt you---

"It's a little too late for that, Spock. You already did."

Her words were bitter, and she still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Nyota, please---"

"Stop! Just stop! What do you want from me?"

Suddenly she was standing up, her hair a mess, her eyes wild and heated. Her hands were balled into fists and she was glaring at him angrily.

"Why are you here? So you can make me forget again? I know what you did. I _know_ what you did to me!"

He tried to step forward but her hand shot out- and invisible force holding him in place.

"Do not come near me! You think you can make me forget and that everything will be alright? You think you can say you're sorry and that will fix everything? Do you even know what you did to me? I've spent the last weeks thinking I'm losing my mind. Trying to figure out why I was so drawn to you! And it was a lie! You lied to me!"

She was crying now- angry tears.

"Nyota, it was not me. I was not in my right frame of mind- you must let me explain-"

"I don't want to hear your explanations! There is no excuse. YOU RAPED ME. You took my body. You took my mind- and you took my trust. There is NOTHING left to explain. You did it then. And you did it last night too. You let me love you. You LIED."

He began to realize his efforts were futile.

"I love you. I wanted to protect you-"

"Get out."

There was finality to the words and she turned away- giving him her back to look at.

She exuded an air so hostile he could feel it. He could only comply with her wishes. He moved to the door.

Just as it opened she turned to face him. He was struck by the look in her eyes. Cold fury. Her features were frozen. Her voice like ice.

"You know what's so damaged about this? You walk out of here. Without retribution. Everyone feels sorry for you- your home. Your planet. There's no evidence for what you did. I get no justice. Yet you go free. I get nothing- because _you_ are the _sa-te 'kru_. And you are _un_-fucking-touchable. There will _never_ be justice for me. I just hope you feel every moment of what you did to me. And I hope it hurts."

The doors swooshed closed, he on the outside once again.

He raised his hand against the barrier that now separated him from the woman he loved, and leaned his forehead against the door, closing his eyes.

"It hurts, _ashayam_. More than you will ever know…"


	18. Chapter 18

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 17

_______________________________________________________________________________

The journey back to Earth had been long. The Enterprise was battered. Her crew, tired. Strain, exhaustion, sadness and grief had descended upon the ship. The halls were quiet, crew members lost in their own thoughts. It seemed everyone was working on automatic pilot- professional always, yet wan and withdrawn- even from one another.

The ship was built for a crew of 430. It could house an additional 100 guests comfortably. It had lost over 200 in the battle of Vulcan, and taken in 300 Vulcan refugees.

In the parts of the ship that were still habitable, the crew had given their quarters to the Vulcans, and slept wherever possible. Uhura had kept her quarters, allowing her friends in with her.

She was rarely there anyway. The day after the disaster had been awful- in so many ways. She couldn't even look at her room, knowing _he _had been in there. She had been off duty the day after, but working every day since.

It had taken them nearly a week to limp back to Earth. And she had been working sixteen and twenty hour shifts ever since. Kirk was still in command, as Captain Pike had not been cleared from medical. The senior bridge crew had been pulling the longest duty shifts, as messages between Starfleet command went back-and-forth.

On the bridge was where she could lose herself in her work. It was where her mind was too busy to focus on anything- and _anyone _else.

She kept her tone professional. She would speak, when spoken to. He didn't bother her. He only spoke to her when they had to converse. He kept his eyes averted. She kept her body tense, her voice clipped.

She didn't want there to be _any _confusion. She didn't want to send a mixed signal. She didn't want to give him any indication that he was welcome or invited around her.

If anyone had noticed the tension between the two officers, they were either too polite, or too tired, to notice.

She didn't relax. She didn't let her guard down until the ship was docked at Spaceport. She didn't even _begin_ to let her guard down until her feet hit solid ground and she was breathing natural air.

She wasn't even remotely comfortable again until she was walking dazedly across the campus, back to her dorm room.

It was like being in a dream.

Only two weeks ago, the campus had been so full of life, bright red uniforms running every which way across the dazzling, emerald green of the quad, casting a bold contrast against the blue of the sky and dancing off the rays of sunshine.

It wasn't that kind of day.

Death hung in the air, shrouded in the fog that had descended upon San Francisco. It wrapped itself around her, invading her lungs, and settling inside her body.

She was cold.

She felt robbed. Robbed of her joy. Robbed of her sorrows. Robbed of her emotions. She felt as dead as the thousand-plus members of her senior class that had died- for no reason.

She keyed in the access code to her room, and the doors swooshed open.

Darkness greeted her.

Silence hung in the air.

She stepped inside. It was exactly as they had left it- her side, neat and tidy. Gaila's- a mess of clothes and other random articles strewn about.

_Gaila…_

For the first time in a week she felt something stir in her at her friend's memory. She wasn't a crier. But in the space of a month she'd cried more than she ever had in her life.

She felt weak. She felt soft. She felt…bitter.

She gently fingered the little idol that sat on her roomie's desk. And she heard her friend's voice in her mind_…_

"_Gaila, what is this?" She'd asked._

"_It's Neferi- the Orion goddess of peace and tranquility," Gaila had responded._

"_What, you all actually worship something other than sex?" She'd asked jokingly._

_The Orion's answer had been quite serious._

"_We worship the things that spread peace, love, joy and happiness. Like you, Nyota. You are all those things"._

_She had hugged Uhura fiercely._

"_Don't __**ever**__ let anyone steal your joy, Uhura. If you let them, then they've won. And they can't win if they see that you haven't been broken"_

The words came to her now, and she realized, that _t__hey_ had won. _He _had won. He had taken her joy from her, he had defeated her. He had _broken_ her.

She sat down on the floor, clutching the little idol to her chest. She was fighting back her own tears, but she couldn't. She had been an ice-box. She had thought her tears were completely spent. Now new ones sprang forth, uninvited and unwelcome.

She was alone now. No one except for her on the floor of her dorm. She was alone in her room. And where just a month ago, she had the love of her friends, the love of a man she had believed loved her— now she had nothing.

She knelt on the floor on her knees at the foot of Gaila's bed, and wept.

Hot, bitter tears flowed from her as she grieved. For Gaila. For her class. For Vulcan…for herself….and as much as her heart refused to accept and acknowledge it…for the love of her life that had betrayed her and left her the bitter, broken woman she was now.

She felt the hurt flame up in her and she fought to tame it…she knew what it was, and she was frightened…

_There is no medicine to cure hatred…_

As she lay, sobbing and gasping for breath…she felt the hurt solidify into something darker.

Hate invaded her soul. Hate towards the man who had violated her. For the man who had taken away her friends, her life as she had known it. And hate for the creature she was becoming.


	19. Chapter 19

**The Prince: Absolution**

Chapter 18

­­­­­­

Never had James Kirk believed his life could have been like this. Standing before the Admiralty, before his class mates, he took a moment to reflect.

Just three and a half years ago, he had been a drunkard. A waste of energy, of life- surviving from day to day. Leading a non-existence. Lost to the word and cursing it at the same time.

He looked around the great hall. It should have been packed. There should be more of them. An entire class...a thousand lives, lost.

He felt…_sadness_ for the senseless deaths.

He felt…_pride_ at the sacrifice made to save a world.

He felt…_humbled _by the weight of the responsibility he had just been given.

He was—_reborn_.

He had been baptized in the fire of battle. His old life washed away. He had been reborn, a new creature, more mature. Serious. Dedicated in a way he had never been before.

He realized that he had been called to a higher order. He had been given great responsibility. And he knew that for those- much, much more would be required. He was the epitome of the second chance. And this time, he wouldn't waste it.

He was ready.

II

Never had Leonard McCoy believed his life would be like this. He had thought it had all ended with his divorce. He had given up on living then, just existing. He had thought Starfleet was his last option. His ticket to forgetting his past.

It had been the first day of his future. There should be more of them- but this was it.

He looked down their row at the people he would spend every day of the next five years with. They had been battle-tested. They had seen things which no one should see. They had survived.

He had come here three and a half years ago, believing his life was over. It had been the first day of the rest of his life.

III

She should be happy. She should be thrilled. She had gotten what she'd wanted from the first day she stepped on the campus. _She_ was Chief Communications Offer. The youngest in the fleet. It was _she_ who would serve with the best of the brightest aboard Starfleet's most prized possession. It was that ship that had saved Earth- salvaged what it could of the Federation's founding members

It was _she_ who had discovered the transmission- without it, they wouldn't be here.

Without them, all would have been lost.

She _should_ have felt proud. She _should _have felthumbled. She should have…_felt…_

IV

He stood on the balcony, out of sight of anyone who may be looking, but fully able to see the ceremony.

He saw her. She sits with the crew, looking forward, her face betraying nothing.

He felt his heart pull at the sight of her. He longed to touch her. To feel her.

He wanted to tell her everything. But she had shut him out when he'd tried.

There was nothing he could do. He didn't want to add to her pain. He wanted to absolve it.

He watched behind the heavy curtains as the crew received their commissions. As the ceremony ended, he left.

****

He walked idly down the corridors of the command center, silently noting the shuttles that were preparing to carry the Vulcan refugees to their new home.

He noticed a figure standing by one of the shuttles and walked towards it, calling out.

"Father."

The figure turned and he stared in shock.

"I am not our father," the elder responded, turning to face him.

"Why are you not with your crew?" The elder Spock asked.

"In the face of great adversity I felt it only right to resign my commission and contribute to the rebuilding of our people."

He felt the elder's sharp gaze upon him, and he felt...nervous. He knew that look. It was one he'd given many times before. Feeling the heat of his own eyes on his face was strangely…unnerving.

He cast his eyes downward.

"You are afraid." It was a statement. Not a question.

"Fear is an illogical---"

"It does not make it any less true," his older self cut him off.

Suddenly, he felt warm hands on his face. He didn't have the opportunity to shield his thoughts before the other consciousness entered his mind.

It was—the same- yet different.

His elder self saw the memories he never wanted anyone to see.

They stood staring at one another a long time.

When his elder self spoke, his tone was lower.

"Spock, you have found something I never found in my lifetime- love. If it is worth having, you must fight for it…if there is one thing I regret, it is not telling her I loved her…"

The last words were spoken with such grief and sorrow that it radiated from the elder straight into the younger, sinking deep into his psyche.

"Take your place. Fulfill your destiny. If it is worth having, it is worth dying for."

"But Spock- If there are self-made purgatories, and we must all live in them."


	20. Chapter 20

Author's Note: First, There's a lot I want to say, and I am debating on attaching an addendum to this that discusses my thinking, and interpretations of this work. I think I will have to do it- and it may piss off many people. Still in debate about that. I want to send out a couple of thank you's here. AntanaM, Aphrodite, onimosity, NewChapter, InkStainedFire- Thank you all. I think you guys know what you said/did, so no need to go in detail. I think, with that said, I'm going to wrap up at least this part of the work.

* * *

**The Prince: Absolution**

_Epilogue:_

It had been one month, five days, sixteen hours and thirty-seven minutes since Vulcan had been destroyed.

Two weeks eight days, two hours and twenty-two minutes since they had become fully commissioned officers.

And three hours, forty-five minutes and eight seconds since they had all arrived at the place they would call home for the next five years.

They were here. The Enterprise had her crew.

Kirk, James T. - Captain.

McCoy, Leonard H.- Chief Medical Officer.

Scott, Montgomery- Chief Engineer.

Chekov, Pavel A.- Tactical

Sulu, Hikaru- Helmsman.

Uhura, Nyota P.- Chief Communications Officer.

The Enterprise had claimed her crew...well...all but one…

It was countdown to launch.

They were ready. She was ready. To fly away. To let the stars claim her. To leave. To forget…

The doors to the bridge opened, and she heard a voice.

"I hear you are in need of a first officer. I can provide character references…"

Despite her minds objections, her body turned to the voice.

When she saw him she _felt_- her body tingled and she felt her heart flutter. There was a glimmer of…hope? She turned back to her console quickly- the feelings sealing themselves off so that she again felt nothing.

**II**

She was forgotten. Alone. But soon, she wouldn't be. They thought they had stifled her. They thought they had silenced her. They thought they had left her behind. They thought wrong.

She was alive. She had survived. And she wanted revenge.

He who had rejected her would be punished. She would have her due. She would claim what was rightfully hers…

Riding safely aboard the Romulan ship, T'Pring made a sound Romulans believed would never be heard from a Vulcan's lips….

She laughed.

* * *

Stay tuned for "The Prince: Ascention"- the third and final installment of this trilogy.

And read the one-shot: "The Prince: Spock Prime's Story"- it talks about what happened between S/U in his timeline.


End file.
